Harold Harold Literature Club
by Sir Cecil the Sea Sleep King
Summary: Magic false teeth, Swole Victorian teachers, and a power-seeking sociopath. This ain't your grandfather's Literature Club.
1. 0: The Prologue

Foreword Type Thing

Hey. First off, if you're reading this, then that's pretty cool.

But there's a few things I might as well tell you before you read.

Most importantly, this is one of those Alternate Universe kind of stories. Well, technically it's an alternate _dimension,_ but that doesn't matter right now.

This means that this story is loosely based on the events of DDLC. And by loosely, I mean looser than MC Hammer's pants, because I don't know that much about it.

DDLC, I mean. Not MC Hammer's pants. I mean, I don't know much about MC Hammer's pants either, but-

Anyway. I'm getting off topic. On the plus side, you don't need to know anything going into the story.

Well, except for this video of mine which was kinda sorta maybe not really but kinda the inspiration for the whole enchilada:

watch?v=jZoAGARRlzg

And this prologue, maybe.

* * *

Prologue

The universe is an incredibly vast place. It's so vast, that improbable events happen pretty much every day.

One thing in particular, is quite interesting. It's called... The Orb of Improbability.

It was named that, because it contained extreme amounts of power. And sometimes, energy leaked from it, and completely improbable things would occur.

One day, a massive amount of energy was released from the Orb, and it travelled through multiple dimensions in the blink of an eye.

It was travelling through space-time so fast, it ripped a dimension in half! And that's where it ended up.

This is the story of this Orb, and the lives of the people who were affected by it...

* * *

Progress Report!

For the, like, 2 people who care, I've rewritten the first 5 chapters.

This includes:

~ Removing some stuff that didn't really make sense

~ Making the personalities of characters more consistent

~ Changing the Youtube links- er, I mean... evil poetry. Make sure to check the links out! I mean... nothing.

~ Probably something else too.

* * *

Also:

This story is now, completely, fully, completely, 100%, completely completed now.

Well, unless I make a sequel. But, in any case, see you in the next one!

Oh, and here's a parting gift:

watch?v=XMe0PTYDnXw

* * *

Also Also:

Why did it take me this long to figure out how to use horizontal lines? Dunno.

But now they're here, so the whole story isn't just one big block of text.


	2. 1: The Accidental Arrival

Chapter 1: The Accidental Arrival

Uggghhh... W-where am I?

Harold woke up... somewhere.

I don't remember sleeping here, wherever 'here' is. Unless my memory's acting up agai-

Suddenly, Harold saw a shadowy figure walking towards him.

'Huh? Who's there?'

'Heh heh... so, you've finally arrived.' said the shadowy figure.

'Huh? What do you mean, arrived?'

'Well, by 'arrived', I mean...' The shadowy figure stepped away to turn on the lights.

*click*

A brighty lighty came on. Harold looked around. He was in some sort of basement.

'Welcome to... Doki Doki Literature Club!'

'Eh?'

* * *

Harold looked at the shadowy figure, who turned out to be a girl. 'Some kind of literature club? Why am I here? I mean, look at me! I'm going bald, I've got a grey beard... I'm OLD! Why am I in some sort of school club?'

'It's best not to ask questions.' said the girl, which sounded vaguely threatening. 'Anyway, lemme show you around. My name's Monika, by the way.'

Harold followed the girl through a dark passageway, and up some stairs. At the top of the stairs, there was a classroom. Two other girls were sitting at the table, one with pink hair, and another with purple hair.

'Huh? Hey, Monika, I didn't think you'd bring a new friend with you!'

The purple-haired girl walked over to Harold. 'The name's Yaoi, by the way. And you are?'

'Uhh... I'm Harold. But I don't understand exactly _why_ I'm here.'

'Pssh, does it really matter?' asked Monika. 'Don't worry about how or why he's here, or anything like that. Let's just have some fun!'

'Sounds good to me!' said Yaoi.

The pink-haired girl turned towards Harold. 'Are you sure? This whole thing seems rather... suspicious... Oh, uh... nice to meet you, by the way. My name's Satsuma.'

'Heh heh... Don't worry.' said Yaoi. 'You're always a bit hesitant to meet new people. I'm sure we'll all get along with Harold.'

'Oh, and there's something you should probably know...' said Satsuma.

'Hmm?'

'Well, it may be a bit hard to believe, but... I actually have two souls.'

Harold looked confused.

'You see, most of the time, one of my souls is in control of my body. But sometimes, when I get angry, my other soul takes control. And when that happens, well... the whole process is quite... draining. I just thought I'd let you know, in case it happened unexpectedly or something...'

'Anyway...' said Monika. 'Hate to break up the discussion, but it's time to do some literature... stuff.'

'What exactly does this... literature-doing entail?' asked Harold.

'Simple.' replied Monika. 'You're our new member, so show us what you've got. Write a poem about... I dunno... love, or something.'

'Hah. Easy.' said Harold. He cleared his throat.

'Roses are red, violets are blue...

You can't eat the pizza...

If the pizza... eats you?'

* * *

The entire room went silent for exactly 37 seconds. Then, Monika spoke.

'That was the worst poem I've ever heard. But, what about you two? What do you think?'

'I thought it was kind of funny.' said Satsuma.

'Uhh... I like pizza, so it's pretty good.' said Yaoi.

Monika sighed. 'Well, it's two against one, so - '

'Three against one.' Satsuma corrected.

'Well, anyway. I guess you're staying in the club.'

Harold thought to himself. This whole situation was kind of strange, but he couldn't help but feel that things would turn out okay in the end. However, that girl, Monika... She seemed a bit suspicious...


	3. 2: The Biscuit Borborygmus

Chapter 2: The Biscuit Borborygmus

Harold yawned. 'Anyway, I should probably be going by now.' He looked around. 'Wait, where _is_ the exit?'

'Well, heh heh... There's a _tiny_ bit of a problem.' said Yaoi. 'There's no way out of here.'

'WHAT?' said Harold, shocked. 'So, you're telling me that I'm gonna be stuck in here forever?'

'Well, as far as I've been able to figure out, yeah. It's kind of hard to tell how long we've been in here before you came, though. But, hey, at least while I'm here, I've got my friends. It's not too bad.'

'What about downstairs? In that weird dimly-lit place?'

'Oh, you mean the basement? Well, that's what we call it. I've been down there a couple times, but I never saw anything interesting. Satsuma's scared of going down there, though.'

'Huh? Why?'

Satsuma was silent for a moment. 'I'd prefer not to talk about it...'

Suddenly, Monika came out of the basement.

'I hope you guys haven't been getting into trouble while I was gone! Anyway, your next assignment is to... uh... read this book. Yaoi, you're in charge while I go into the basement.'

* * *

'What's the deal with her going into the basement all the time, anyway?' asked Yaoi.

'I don't know... It's all very mysterious...' said Satsuma.

Suddenly, something that felt like a wave of energy spread across the room, and, in an instant, the book that was on the table turned into a goldfish.

'Uhh... I think that might be a bit of a problem.' said Yaoi.

'Wait, so... goldfish... book... huh?' Harold was so confused he couldn't get his words out properly. 'Well, maybe we should ask Monika about this. She's, like, the leader of the club or something, right?'

Suddenly, she came in through the basement door. 'I'm back! I just had to do some... leader stuff in the basement. Oh, and don't worry about that goldfish.'

'How did you know there was a goldfish? You've been downstairs this whole time!' said Satsuma.

'Well... uh... didn't I tell you not to ask questions?'

* * *

Harold's stomach grumbled. 'Hey, guys, is there any, well... food here?'

Yaoi got up and started looking in a storage cupboard. 'Hmm, let's see... Hey, there's some cookies here! Satsuma, I think they're yours! Let's share 'em out!'

'Um... I wouldn't recommend-'

'Heh... You can't just keep 'em all to yourself, you know!' Yaoi handed everyone a cookie.

Harold bit into the biscuit, and there was something... hard inside.

'Uhh... Satsuma?' said Monika. 'What's in these biscuits, exactly?'

'I tried to warn you...' said Satsuma. 'Those cookies have got concrete in them.'

'Concrete?!' said Harold.

'You see, for some reason, I'm able to eat concrete. But I know you guys can't, so I tried to stop you from eating them...'

'Shpeak for yourshelf.' said Yaoi, spitting out some small pieces of concrete. 'It may be inedible, but it really addsh to the flavour.' She wiped her mouth on her sleeve. 'Yeah, Satsuma can eat concrete, and has two souls, or so she says. It's kind of weird. Uh, no offense, Satsuma.'

* * *

Later, after all the work had been done, everyone was sitting around a table, playing cards. Everyone except for one person.

'Where's Monika?' asked Harold.

'Probably doing some of her 'important leader stuff' in the basement.' said Yaoi. 'You know, I've always thought it was kinda suspicious, but today, it was even suspicious-er than before!'

Harold put down a card. Then Yaoi did the same.

'Snap!'

'We're not even playing snap!' said Harold. 'And anyway, those aren't even the same card! One's a King of Spades, the other's a... 37?'

'Hmm...' said Satsuma. 'What's with all these weird things happening lately?'

'I dunno' replied Harold. 'But, I have a plan. Tomorrow, we'll sneak into the basement!'

You can go,' said Satsuma 'but I'll stay here. I don't want to go down there...'

Satsuma turned away, and took out a photo. 'Tangelo... Wherever you are, I hope you're alright...'


	4. 3: The Caveman Conjunctigation

Chapter 3: The Caveman Conjunctigation

'So, what was the plan again?' asked Yaoi.

Harold sighed. 'Look, it's simple. We just look around in the basement, and see what's going on down there!'

'So it's some kind of... secret spy mission? Awesome!'

'Shh... keep quiet! Let's stick together, okay?'

Harold and Yaoi started looking around the basement. Soon, they found a long corridor.

'Strange...' said Harold. 'Come to think of it, I woke up in the basement, didn't I? Well, I don't recognise any of this place.'

'Hold on, Harry.' said Yaoi. 'Do you hear that?'

'Don't call me Harry.'

'Why not? We're friends, right? Friends can call each other by their shortened na- Anyway, there's a voice coming from that door.'

Sure enough, there was.

Harold looked through the keyhole for a few seconds.

'See anything?' said Yaoi.

'Yeah. Some kind of hooded figure and some weird orb.'

'Hey, let me see!' shouted Yaoi, running up to the door. Suddenly, the door fell down.

* * *

The hooded figure stared at them for 37 seconds. Well, Harold thought the figure was staring, even though its eyes weren't visible.

'Well, hello there, Harold. I must say, your appearance has conjunctigated my plans.'

'Conjunctigated?' replied Harold. 'That's not even a real word! And who are you, anyway?'

'My name is irrelevant.'

'Hi, Irrelevant! My name's Ya-'

'Pssh. A couple of idiots like you won't be able to stop _my_ plan, so I might as well tell you.' The hooded figure raised an arm to point at the orb.

'That... is the Orb of Improbability. It's an orb of pure energy that's powerful enough to transport objects into different realities!'

'So those weird things that happened, were they because of the orb?' asked Harold.

'Of course. And once I drain the power from the orb, I'll be able to gain ultimate power! Then, I'll rule over this entire dimension. Then, the _whole universe!_ '

'What? That's... crazy!' said Yaoi. 'I'll have to tell Monika; some guy called Irrelevant is gonna take over the universe or whatever it was you said! Speaking of which, where is she?'

'Heh heh heh... You don't need to ask that. Nothing you say matters. The orb and me will ta-'

'The orb and _I_.' corrected Harold.

'What?'

'It's I. Not me. You can remember it like this. Take away the orb, and you're left with 'me will take over the dimension'. And that makes you sound like a caveman, so it's wrong.'

'Caveman?' shouted the hooded figure. 'I'll give _you_ a caveman!'

* * *

The Orb of Improbability started to glow, and then there was a flash, but no Gordon.

A man appeared out of thin air. He was wearing a top hat, a beard, and a nasty look.

'Okay, well, that's not a caveman, but it'll do. Who are you, anyway?'

'My name is M'choakumchild. But, how did I get here? Where am I, anyway?'

'Well... All you need to know is that these two are 'students' at a certain Literature Club named after the japanese onomatopoeia for a heartbeat.'

'I didn't understand any of that. Except for that bit about students. Y'know, I'm a teacher, and I would be glad to do whatever you need me to do to these two... uh... individuals.'

The hooded figure said two simple words, loud and clear. 'Get them.'

Harold said another word, slightly less loud, but still quite clear. 'Run!'

Harold and Yaoi both ducked into a storage room. Meanwhile, M'choakumchild looked around. 'Where have those two idiots gone? Hmph. They're probably up those stairs.'

* * *

Upstairs, Satsuma was sitting in silence. 'Where are they? They should have come back by now. Unless...'

Her train of thought was interrupted by a loud slam of a door. M'choakumchild came bursting in.

'Huh? Who the heck are you? Are you a friend of those other guys? What's-his-name, uh, Howard and Yuri?'

'Well, if you mean Harold and Yaoi, then yes. My name's Satsuma. But who are you?'

'The name's M'choakumchild. And I dunno where those friends of yours are. Pfft. They're probably dead, or something. Those two idiots don't stand a chance agai-'

Satsuma started to get red with anger. 'What did you say about my friends?'

'Heh heh... Am I making you angry? What are you going to do about it? Punch me in the fa-'

Satsuma punched M'choakumchild in the face.

'Aargh! Th-that really hurt, you know!' M'choakumchild ran off into the basement, tears streaming down his face. At that moment, Harold and Yaoi came upstairs.

'You alright there, Satsuma? You look pretty angry.' said Yaoi.

'Yes... I'm fine... just need to... calm down.'

'What happened up there, anyway?'

'Punched... him in... face...'

'Well, anyway. We'll let you calm down. Hey, Harold, what's that in your pocket?'

'Oh, this? I'm not sure. It must have somehow fell into my pocket while we were in that storage room. And it's... a pair of false teeth?'


	5. 4: The Denture Duplicity

Chapter 4: The Denture Duplicity

'Hmm. How strange. I can feel some sort of power radiating from them. I'm no expert on these kind of things, but I bet this is a pair of magic false teeth.' said Harold.

'Magic false teeth? That's pretty weird. But then again, it's probably that orb that's making all this crazy stuff.' replied Yaoi.

Suddenly, the basement door slammed open.

* * *

'Well, hello again.'

Harold gulped. Satsuma ran off and hid in a closet. Yaoi said 'Oh, hi, weird hooded guy!'

'Heh heh heh... Well, Harold. I bet you weren't expecting me so soon. But, since M'choakumchild ran off, I guess I'll have to deal with you myself.'

'Hey, what's that thing around your neck?' asked Yaoi.

'Oh, this? It's a power-storing amulet. With it, I can store the power of the Orb, and use it whenever I need to. But, before you two meet your untimely demise, I want to show you something. I'm sure everyone reading has figured it out, but I'll show you who I really am.'

The hooded figure took off its hood. And underneath it, was...

'Monika? You're the one who's trying to rule the universe?' said Harold.

'Wait, Monika? I thought you said your name was "Irrelevant"!' said Yaoi.

Monika sighed. 'You idiot. You just misheard what I said once. Irrelevant is just a name that _you_ gave me.'

'Well, I guess you could call it a...' said Harold, before he was interrupted.

'Don't say it.'

'I guess you could call it...'

'Do _not_ say it!'

'Youcouldcallita...'

'If you say it, I swear, I'll... I don't know what I'll do, but I'll do it!'

'Moniker.'

Everything went quiet for 37 seconds. Then, Monika spoke.

'Right. I was gonna do this anyway, but just pretend that this is punishment for that terrible joke.'

'Uhh... What are you going to do to us?' asked Yaoi.

'Well, it's simple. I'm going to attack you... with poetry.'

'Poetry?' said Harold. 'You can't do that! That's just not poethical.'

'Oh, so that's a word, but _conjunctigated_ isn't?'

'Well, uh-'

'Silence! I've wasted too much time already. It's time to do some... literature.'

Monika cleared her throat, and then said ' _ **hjhAWIxjEdU.**_ ' The ancient, eldritch words formed into a dark ball of energy that started to head towards Harold.

'Harry! Look out!' shouted Yaoi.

'I told you not to call m-' Harold was interrupted by the dark ball of words hitting him in the teeth. But it didn't do anything, apart from giving him a bad taste in his mouth.

'Uh... was that it?'

'Wait, WHAT? That wasn't supposed to happen!'

'Hmm... strange.' said Harold. 'Wait, I think I've got it! Those magic teeth that I found!'

'Huh? What do you mean?' asked Yaoi.

'Well, it's like the poetry got... absorbed into my teeth, protecting me from the attack. I never thought I'd say that sentence.'

'Hate to break up the meeting here' interjected Monika. 'But I was trying to kill you, remember?'

'Hah.' said Harold. 'You'll never get past me, because I've got _magic teeth_!'

* * *

Monika cleared her throat again, and said ' _ **S4yYVtGhBMQ.**_ '

Again, the dark blast travelled straight towards Harold, and was nullified by the magic false teeth.

'Wow.' said Harold. 'I've heard of black speech, but black verse is a new one on me!'

'Grr... this is starting to get annoying! But... try this! ' _ **ZnUBn-1VoCo! WRe0u0QoxBQ! vVJ5h7OPGCM!**_ '

All three dark blasts were absorbed by Harold's teeth.

'Now, I'm no expert on eldritch poetry, but I'm pretty sure those first two lines didn't rhyme.'

'Grrrrargh! Wait... of course! It's the teeth, isn't it. Give me your teeth.'

'Uhh... n-'

' _ **Give me your teeth.**_ '

Suddenly, the teeth began to glow with a dark energy as Monika used her magic powers to pull them out.

'Ow! That kinda hurt, you know.'

'Well, well, well.' said Monika. 'Looks like I can finally kill you now.' she said, as she put her hand forward to attack.

'Is this the end?' thought Harold.

'Oh, COME ON! I used up the last of my power to steal your teeth!'

Monika sighed. 'This isn't the end, you know. Meet me in the basement tomorrow, and we'll have a real battle. And by then, I'll have stored more power, too. And remember, there's no escaping this one!'

With a swish of her cape, Monika disappeared back into the basement.

* * *

'Whoa, that was real scary!' said Yaoi. 'Sorry I wasn't able to help much or anything.'

'Nah, it's fine.' replied Harold. 'She didn't really do anything anyways.'

'But you heard what she said, right? The basement... Well, I don't want to go down... there. I don't really want you to go, either.' said Satsuma.

'Yeah, but Monika said that there'd be 'no escape', whatever that means.' replied Yaoi.

'I know, but... Okay. I guess I should tell you guys why I'm scared of going in the basement.'

* * *

Satsuma sat down at the front of the classroom, and Harold and Yaoi sat down at the two desks in front of her.

'Well...' said Satsuma. 'Yaoi, you remember my brother, Tangelo, right?'

'...Yes?' said Yaoi. Harold looked puzzled.

'Well, I suppose I should start at the beginning, for Harold's sake. You see, there used to be another member at this Literature Club. My older brother, Tangelo. This is what he looks like.'

Satsuma handed Harold a photo of a green-haired boy. Harold noted the similarities between the boy and Satsuma.

'He wasn't just my brother. He was a friend to everyone here.' said Satsuma. 'I looked up to him... He was kind, caring, intelligent, and... he even had a special power within him... You see, my family actually descends from a long line of magic-users, and Tangelo was one of them. But that's besides the point... He was one of the members here. Until one day, when he went into the basement, and...'

'And?' said Harold.

'...never came back.'

'Never came back?' asked Yaoi. 'You mean he... died down there?'

Satsuma started crying. 'W-well... I d-don't know f-for sure, b-but I... like to think he's s-somehow still alive down there...'

'Sorry for... bringing it up.' said Yaoi.

'Wait, Yaoi? It seems like you hadn't even noticed that Tangelo had gone. Surely you were around before, when he used to be here?' said Harold.

'I was.' said Yaoi. 'But... I don't know exactly why I forgot. Or how I remembered. Maybe the Orb of Improbability is messing with my mind, or something.'

After Satsuma had dried her tears, she said 'So, that's why I don't go down there. I'm scared of what might happen to me if I go into the basement.'

'Aww, Satsuma, there's no need to worry. Whatever's going on, we'll manage to make everything right, won't we, Harold?'

'Yep. But how are we going to fight against Monika? I mean, it's not like there are any weapons or anything we could use to defend ourselves.'

'Well, actually...' said Yaoi. 'There's a storage room in the basement that has a load of weapons in it, I think.'

* * *

Later, everyone was starting to get tired. Harold yawned. 'What time is it?' he asked.

'Well, it's kind of hard to tell, but I think it's bedtime.' said Yaoi. 'There's some sleeping bags in the storage cupboard, by the way.' Yaoi yawned. 'After all this crazy stuff that's happened, I'll be glad to get some rest.'

'Hey, Harold?' asked Satsuma.

'Yeah?'

'I just remembered. The last thing that Tangelo said to me before he disappeared. It was... "There are hundreds of universes like this one. Let's make this the one where we win."'

'What does that mean?'

'I'm not sure...'


	6. 5: The Evil Existence

Chapter 5: The Evil Existence

The next morning...

'Well, I guess it's time.' said Harold.

'A-are you sure you'll be alright down there?' asked Satsuma.

'Heh, don't worry about it.' said Yaoi. 'When we work together, we can do anything! Okay, that sounded kinda cliché, but I'm sticking with it.'

'Well, if you say so... I'm just worried. But I guess you have to do it... Oh, and before you go... take these.'

Satsuma handed Harold a box.

'I baked some cookies. Maybe, just maybe, if you give Monika a present, we might be able to de-escalate this situation without you having to battle.'

'So, some kind of peace offering?' said Harold.

'Well, I guess...'

'But, anyway. We won't get anything done by just sitting around.' said Yaoi. 'To the basement!'

* * *

Meanwhile, in a completely different dimension...

Someone wearing a long brown robe and a floating top hat was sitting in his office, worried.

And that someone went by the namer of DPK. He picked up a silver device, and pressed a button. 'Pickle Guy, can you come to my office, please?'

In walked a rather odd-looking fellow, with green skin, and a tall, pickle shaped hat.

'Yes, what is it, DPK?' said the Pickle Guy.

'I'm worried about Harry. I haven't seen him for days! I'm starting to think he's been... kidnapped, or something.'

'Well, if he has, you could probably rescue him, right?'

'Heh heh... probably. But before we do anything, we need to find out where he is. I've looked around pretty much the whole city, but I've got nothing so far.'

'Wait, DPK? Have you tried the dimension... thingy?'

'You mean the dimensional transporter? Not yet. But, maybe I can use it to check for Harry's signal in neighbouring dimensions. You know, I didn't expect you to think of that. It came as a surprise.'

'I guess you could call it a... Pickle Surprise!'

* * *

'So, have you found anything yet?' asked the Pickle Guy.

'No, not yet...' said DPK. Maybe he – wait.'

'He wait?'

'No, I was gonna say something, but then I noticed this signal. It's coming from a dimension that I've never seen before.'

'You know, I don't really understand all this dimension stuff. All I know about is how to make Pickle Surprises.'

'How do you make one of those again?'

'Well, you take an English muffin, spread sandwich spread, and then plop the ham thusly, please.'

'What was that bit about the ham?'

'Did someone say... HAM?'

DPK sighed. 'This is no time for your silly mantras, Pickle Guy. As I was saying, I've found the dimension we're looking for.'

'Well, what are we waiting for? Let's rescue Harry!'

'…'

'Huh? What's wrong?'

'Well, we can't. At least, not right now. There seems to be some kind of signal that's blocking any interdimensional travel. It's jamming our system! And it seems to be coming from that dimension Harry's in, too.'

'Oh, great.'

'But this signal... there's something... strange about it. It seems as if it was purposely made to stop anyone coming from _our_ dimension! How strange.'

'So... is there anything we can do?'

'Well, for now, all we can do is wait. Hopefully, whatever's causing that signal will be stopped. Maybe even by Harry!'

'Well, I hope you're right...'

'Me too, Pickle Guy, me too...'

* * *

And now back to our regularly scheduled fanfiction.

* * *

'You know, Harold, I've never mentioned it before, but this place kinda gives me the creeps.'

'Yeah, it is pretty spooky down here. Now, where did you say that storage room was?'

'Hmm... I think it should be on the left, just about... here!'

Harold opened the door, into a small room full of weapons.

* * *

'Hmm, but which weapons should we choose, though?' asked Yaoi.

'Well...'

'Harold! I know! You can have this huge sword!'

Harold looked where Yaoi was pointing. There, in the middle of a pile of weapons, was a huge sword.

'I dunno... It looks really... heavy.'

'Aw, come on! All heroes have massive swords!'

'Well, if you like that sword so much, why don't you have it?'

'Hmph. Well, let's just say that me and swords don't really mix.'

'What do you mean?' asked Harold.

'I cut myself.' said Yaoi.

'Huh?' replied Harold.

'Yeah, last time I used a sword, I cut my arm by accident.'

'Oh, I thought that you meant you – wait, what do you mean, last time you used a sword?'

'Well, heh... One time, I went into the basement while everyone was asleep, and dressed up as a knight, and waved a sword around.'

'Why?' asked Harold.

'Well, if I explain the pun, then it's not funny anymore. Just... forget about it.'

* * *

'Fine. I'll take the sword.' said Harold.

'And I'll take this spiky ball on a chain on a stick.' said Yaoi.

'It's called a flail.'

'Whatever.'

'Oh, well look who it is. You know, I was starting to think you'd never apperelate.' said a voice from the darkness.

'Hey, I'd recognise those made-up words anywhere!' said Harold. 'It's Monika!'

'Apperelate is a real word. You're just... uh... not smart enough to know that. But anyway. Follow me.'

Harold and Yaoi followed Monika through the basement, into a part that they'd never seen before.'

'Oh, uh... Monika?' said Yaoi. 'Satsuma wanted you to... uh... have these. As a peace offering, or something.'

Yaoi handed Monika the cookies. Monika opened the box, and took a bite. Then, she immediately spat it out.

'Really, concrete-chip cookies _again_?'

* * *

Monika opened a door at the end of the hallway, and Harold and Yaoi followed. Through the door, there was another classroom.

'Huh.' said Harold. 'You know, I never really considered that there were other rooms connected to the baseme-'

'Enough talking.' said Monika. 'I've been waiting to murder you _all day_.'

'Um, should we be worried abou-' Yaoi's sentence was cut off by the loud sound of the door locking.

* * *

'This time, I won't waste my time with poetry. Instead... take this!'

A blast of dark energy shot out of Monika's hand. Harold ducked underneath it.

'Ha! You mis-'

'Harry! Look out!'

The bullet of dark energy turned around and started moving back towards Harold. He picked up his sword. With all his strength, he swung it round. The bullet hit the sword, and dissolved into nothingness.

'Jeez, this thing is heavy!' said Harold, as he kept blocking the onslaught of bullets with his sword. 'I can't do this for much longer! How about you hit the bullets, and I'll...' Harold half-whispered something to Yaoi. Yaoi nodded in agreement.

'Heh heh heh... Whatever your stupid plan is, it's not gonna work!' Monika shot a blast of dark energy at Yaoi. She hit it with her flail, and it disappeared. Monika shot another, then another, then another. Yaoi swung her flail around to hit all three of them. Meanwhile, Harold was running across the room.

'Where do you think _you're_ going, huh?' Monika said as she shot at Harold. Harold dodged every shot as he ducked behind some boxes. Monika watched for a few seconds.

'Seriously? That was your plan? Hiding behind some boxes?' Monika grinned evilly. 'Oh no. What am I going to do now.' she said sarcastically. 'Well, I guess I'll just have to kill Yaoi first!'

* * *

Monika turned towards Yaoi, and fired a stream of bullets. Yaoi tried to hit as many of them as she could, but she got hit a few times.

'Harold! How am I... supposed to... block all these?'

A voice shouted from behind the boxes. 'Just go crazy!'

'Go crazy, huh? I can do that!'

Yaoi swung her flail around with all her strength, deflecting everything that Monika threw at her. Until, a blast of dark energy hit Yaoi's hand, causing her to drop her flail. Monika slowly approached her, with a look of malice in her eyes.

'Heh heh heh... So, your friend's little plan just ended up making it easier for me to kill you. You know, we used to be friends, but you've been a thorn in my side for long enough! So, any last words?'

'Yes, just four.' said Yaoi. 'That wasn't the plan.'

'Tha- What?' Monika looked behind her, and saw Harold running up to her. With a giant sword. Ready to strike.

'...Son of a...'

Harold jumped into the air, used all his strength to swing his sword, and...


	7. 5 and a Half: The 5ide 5tory

Chapter 5 and a Half: The 5ide 5tory

...now for something completely different.

* * *

'Hey! DPK! You'll never guess what I just saw!'

'What is it, Pickle Guy? I'm kind of busy at the moment.'

'Well... I was just going to the shops, to get some pickles, and I was just about to cross the road, when suddenly... This van just disappeared!'

'Pickle Guy, vans don't just disappear. It must have gone _somewhere_.'

And somewhere it went. But we'll get to that in just a moment. Let me explain everything first. You see, the van actually belonged to a metal band, called Deathsalad. And the three guys in the van were... pretty confused.

* * *

'Ughhhh... where are we, dude?' asked the driver, Crash Maelstrom.

'I don't know, Crash.' said a muscular man wearing what would probably be described as 'viking clothes'. 'We were just driving along de road, ya? And de van just stopped, and there's fog everywhere. I'm going to look around, ya?'

'Hold on, Gunther. Lemme just check Silent Steve's okay, first.' Crash got up and walked into the back of the van. 'You good, dude?'

Steve made an 'OK' gesture with his fingers.

Gunther opened the door, and looked out. 'Uh... Crash? You might want to have a look at dis, ya?

Crash looked out of the window. 'Oh my god. We're in Darkspace!'

'How did we get here?' said Gunther. 'You think we had some sort of...'

'What?'

'...crash?'

'Yeah? What is it?'

'No, like, we crashed de van. Think about it, ya? De van just stopped, and we're in Darkspace. Do you think we're... dead?'

'Uh oh. I heard people sayin' that metal music is satanic, but I never thought we'd end up here, dude!'

'Heh heh... Everyone ends up in Darkspace eventually.'

'Huh? Who said that, dude?'

Suddenly, a horned figure appeared from the shadows.

'Well, I go by a few names. Lucifer, Beelzebub, Old Scratch, but you can just call me the Devil, for short. Anyway, there's no need to worry. Like I said. Everyone ends up in Darkspace eventually. Depending on how bad you were in life, the longer you're tortured until all the evil's been driven from your soul. Or _souls_ , if you're a magic user.'

'Oh geez.' said Crash. 'Please don't torture us for all eternity or whatever, dude!'

The Devil laughed uproariously. 'Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you. You're not dead. I just sent you down here to do a gig.'

'WHAT?' said Crash and Gunther in unison. Steve just kind of stared incredulously.

'Yeah.' said the Devil. 'People like to stay in Darkspace while their dead. You know? Catch up with their family and friends, and whatnot. So, from time to time, we get a bit of... entertainment from other dimensions. So, let's see... Crash Maelstrom, Gunther Guntharrson, and... Steve, right?' The devil snapped his fingers, and an hourglass appeared. 'Let's make this a little more interesting. Write and perform a new song, before the hourglass runs out, or... I TAKE YOUR SOULS!'

'WHAT?' said Crash and Gunther in unison. Steve just kind of stared incredulously. Again.

* * *

'So, exactly HOW are we gonna come up with a song, dudes?' said Crash.

'I don't know.' said Gunther. 'We should do somesing different for a change. Like... opera!'

'What the heck? No, dude! Opera's lame. Plus, I only know how to do metal.'

'Only metal? What about 'This song's a Smooth Jazz song'? That song's a Smooth Jazz song!'

Crash sighed. 'What do you think, Steve.'

Steve held up a sheet of paper that said 'Rap'.

'Okay, so we don't know what genre our song is, or what it's going to be about, dude.'

Suddenly, Gunther stood up. 'Hey, guys! Look! They've got a frozen yogurt stall, ya!'

'This is no time for fro- forget it. After him!'

* * *

'One frozen yogurt, with flugelberry sauce, ya?'

The demon at the frozen yogurt stand pressed a button, and a glowing red eye on a stalk came out of the ground, which shot frozen yogurt and sauce into a cone.

'Hey! Ya gonna pay for that?' said the demon.

'Ya, ya, keep your horns on.' Gunther ate his frozen yogurt, then gave the demon some money.

'Whazzis?' grunted the demon. 'We don't accept your filthy human money in 'ere. Ya need to pay with Darkspace Credits.'

'Darkspace Credits? Uh... well... I... uhh...'

Crash and Steve came running over to the stall.

'What? You don't 'ave any? Well, looks like ye'll be spendin' some time in a fire pit then! Wa ha ha ha ha!'

'Uh... Gunther? What have you done, dude?'

'No time to explain, ya! Just run!'

Suddenly, the demon's eyes started to glow red, and wings sprouted out of its back.

'We've gotta get outta here, dude!' said Crash.

'Wa ha ha ha!' laughed the demon. 'There's nowhere to 'ide in Darkspace.'

Suddenly, Crash got an idea. 'What about... outside of Darkspace! The devil told me, that when we've done our song, he'll send us straight back to real life, dudes! Quick! On to the stage!'

* * *

'Ladies and gentlemen, creatures and demons, please, put your hands (or other suitable appendages) together for... DEATHSALAD!'

'Hey! There he is! On the stage!'

The demon jumped into the air, and dived. But he hit a forcefield that was around the stage.

'Hmph.' said another demon. 'Trying to cut in, are we? Heh heh heh... I think not. I had to pay 37,000 Darkspace Credits for this seat!'

'I... but... they... he... GAH! Fine...'

Crash walked on stage.

'I dedicate this one to a certain demon who tried to torture my friend over a frozen yogurt.'

The entire hall went quiet. Then, Crash struck a chord and started to sing.

* * *

 _'Flugelberry topping sauce, Klappenheimer stew._

 _Sent to hell to make a song, don't know what to do._

 _Tell your friends about it, 'cuz you know it's true..._

 _Hell would freeze over before I go anywhere with you.'_

Then, the spotlight moved to Gunther, who was sitting in a Viking longboat. And he sang...

' _Yes I stole some yogurt, but please let me say, ya._

 _Otherworldly money, in here you cannot pay, ya._

 _Take me to the slammer, or torture me with fire..._

 _But you can't take away the taste, that I so desire!'_

'Hey, Crash, break it down, ya!'

 _'Flugelberry topping sauce, Klappenheimer stew, yo._

 _Sent to hell to make a song, don't know what to do, yo._

 _Tell your friends about it, 'cuz you know it's true, yo._

 _Hell would freeze over … Triangle solo!_

Silent Steve played his triangle like he'd never played it before. Then, Crash and Gunther sang together for the final verse.

 _'Flugelberry topping sauce, Klappenheimer stew._

 _Sent to hell to make a song, don't know what to do._

 _Tell your friends about it, 'cuz you know it's true..._

 _Hell would freeze over before I go anywhere with you.'_

* * *

Everyone cheered. The devil stepped up on stage.

'Well, that was a pretty awesome song, right? A kind of metal-opera-rap number. But now, I'm afraid, it's time for Deathsalad to go. And as for you, Dante...' he pointed at the demon from the frozen yogurt stall. 'If you did torture them, that would be a violation of Rule 66-F; No torturing of beings who are in Darkspace non-permanently. But anyway. You guys? It's time to go.'

The devil snapped his fingers, and suddenly, Crash, Gunther, and Steve found themselves back on the road. To everyone else, nothing seemed to have happened. Well, except for one guy.

* * *

'Hey, DPK! Guess what!'

'What is it, Pickle Guy?'

'Well... I was just going to the shops, to get some pickles, and I was just about to cross the road, when suddenly... This van just appeared!'

* * *

Now, where were we? Oh yes. I remember. But we'll save that for Chapter 6, I think.


	8. 6: The Frustum Fatality

Chapter 6: The Frustum Fatality

Yaoi slowly opened her eyes. There, in front of her, was Harold, with his sword stuck in the ground. And next to it, was something that looked a lot like... a severed left arm. And, indeed it was.

* * *

'Graagh! You fools may have outsmarted me this time, but my plan is too far ahead! I'll just need to extract more power...'

'You know, Monika, usually people... react more when their arm gets chopped off.' said Harold.

'Huh?'

'Your arm's off!'

'No it isn't. Just a flesh wound.' Monika turned away. 'Heh... You two idiots don't realise, I can just use the Orb's power to reattach my arm. I'm only saying you won because I'm out of power.' Monika picked up her arm and headed through the door.

* * *

'You okay there, Yaoi? Looks like you got hit a few times there.' said Harold.

'Actually, I don't feel too good. I think I need to rest for a bit.' Yaoi got up. 'But did you see that? That was awesome! I was like, "That wasn't the plan", and then you were all like... whoooooosh! Heh...'

'Heh heh... yeah.' said Harold.

* * *

Meanwhile, Satsuma was waiting upstairs, in complete silence.

'I thought they would be back by now... What if something's happened to them? What if they... No. Calm down. I can just go and see what's happened. Go down into...' Satsuma shifted her gaze towards the door.

'...the basement.'

Satsuma walked slowly towards the door. 'Should I really be doing this? I mean... who knows what could really be down there... But... I'll do it. For my friends.' Satsuma got a piece of paper, wrote something down, and held it tightly in her hand as she walked down into the basement.

* * *

'Hmph. Now, how am I going to get more power out of this thing? It's not responding to the amulet, for some reason.' Monika said to herself.

Suddenly, there was a noise like a million cats getting sucked into a black hole, and a strange shape appeared. 'Shape' was the best word to describe it, as it looked like a pyramid with the top cut off. It looked like it was made of green bricks, and had a large eye on one of its sides. 'Well, hello there! I believe I can help you with that.' it said in a high pitched voice.

'Who the heck are you?'

'Greetings! I'm the Frustum of Knowledge. I'd shake your hand, but, you know, I have none. I bet you're wondering why I'm here. Don't worry. I get that all the time. I've been travelling between dimensions for 2000 years, so I have to have a bit of fun every now and then. And my idea of fun is to help people achieve TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. So, how can I help ya?'

'Well... um... Frustum of Knowledge, I suppose you'd know how to extract the last of the power from the Orb of Improbability.

'Ooh! That's a good one. They don't call me the Frustum of Knowledge for nothing! So, I'll give you the answer. You need... A SACRIFICE! So come on, Monika, and show me what you've got.'

'How do you know my... oh yeah. So... a sacrifice? Well, I can arrange that. There's these two idiots who always put up a fight, but this other girl... she seems pretty weak. Oh, and I think she's coming this way! Now, watch this.'

* * *

'So many doors... this place is confusing.' thought Satsuma to herself. She went into one of the doors. 'A dead end... I wonder where-'

Suddenly, her train of thought got interrupted. Someone very familiar was standing in front of her.

'Well, hello, Satsuma. What are you doing down here? I thought you'd be too scared to come down here.'

'Uhh... h... hello... M... Monika... uh... I... uh...' Satsuma was so terrified that she couldn't speak properly.

'So, trying to rescue your friends, are you? Heh heh... How do you expect to do that when you're so weak?'

'W... weak?'

'But anyway. I was looking for you. I wanted to have a talk. One on one.'

'A... actually it's... t-two on one...'

'Aww, what's wrong? Scared of me? Well, heh heh heh... I expected that from you. Just like your brother, Tangelo, you were always the quiet type. You know, I kind of liked your brother, Satsuma. It's a shame I had to _kill him_.'

Satsuma started to cry. 'Wh... why... did you...'

'Well, you see, he was conjunctigati- I mean... interfering with my plans. I had the feeling he was on to me for a while. But when he interfered with Project N, I knew I had to kill him before he killed me.'

'P...Project... N...?'

Monika sighed. 'It's not worth explaining it to you now. Besides, you haven't got that long left anyway.'

Suddenly, Monika snapped her fingers, and a rope started to form in front of her.

'You killed my brother, you... you... ' Satsuma's anger started to take control over her. The ground beneath her started to raise as Monika used her magic powers.

'You... cruel... selfish... GAH!' Suddenly the rope wrapped itself around Satsuma's neck.

'Yes. I did kill your brother. And now I'm going to kill YOU!'

Satsuma tried to remove the rope from around her, but it was too strong.

'Heh heh... It's magical rope, so don't bother trying to break out of it. But anyway... I've talked for far too long. Time to do what I came here for.'

Monika snapped her fingers.

'Sayonara, Satsuma.'

Suddenly, the ground below Satsuma crumbled away, and she was left hanging motionless from the ceiling.

* * *

The Frustum of Knowledge appeared out of thin air. 'Wow.' it said. 'I don't even know her, and I feel sorry for her. But, I guess we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good, eh? But there's one thing I don't quite understand. Why'd you do it to look like she commited suicide?'

'Heh heh... You'll see.'

'I think I'm okay now.' said Yaoi. 'We'd better get going, and fast! Satsuma's probably worried about us!'

'Oh yeah! I forgot!' replied Harold. 'I hope she hasn't been too worried about us...'

Harold and Yaoi went back into the classroom, but Satsuma wasn't there.

'Uh oh...' said Yaoi. 'The only other place she could be is... in the basement!'

'Well, we didn't see her as we were going back, so maybe we should check the right side of the basement first.'

'Good plan.' replied Yaoi.

* * *

Later...

* * *

'Where could she be? We've checked pretty much every room in the basement!'

'What about the room with the Orb?' said Yaoi.

'Hmm... well, she said she was scared of the basement, and that's the scariest room by far, so I doubt she went in there. But... Wait a minute! Isn't there a room next to the Orb room?'

'Yeah! Now that you mention it, I don't think we've checked there. I've got a hunch that's where she is.'

Harold and Yaoi went up to the door. Harold listened for any sounds coming from the other side.

'I don't hear anything.' said Harold.

'Yeah, but what if she's... sleeping... in there, or something?'

'Why would she be sleeping in an empty room in the basement?'

'I dunno.'

'But, say she is sleeping in there. What are you going to do?'

'Well, it's simple. I gently open the door...'

Yaoi gently opened the door. 'Satsum~ AARGH!'

'What are you screaming abou... ' Harold stopped mid-sentence. There, in the middle of the room, was Satsuma. Hanging from a noose.

* * *

'No... no... this... this can't be happening! She...' Yaoi started crying.

'Satsuma! Why would you do this?' said Harold, through tears. Then, he stopped, and thought for a moment. 'Wait. Why _would_ she do this? I mean, I don't remember her being... depressed, or anything.'

'YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!' shouted Yaoi. 'She was one of my closest friends, and now... she's dead! You don't know what that feels like!'

'Whoa, Yaoi, calm down. There was something my friend DPK used to say... what was it? Oh, right. "Even in the darkest of nights, there's still a buttload of stars in the sky." He... uh... wasn't really known for profound wisdom.'

Yaoi dried her tears. 'Sorry... I just got a bit... over-emotional there. Now, what were you saying?'

'This whole suicide thing seems a bit suspicious. And, now that I think of it, this room is pretty much empty.'

'So?'

'Well, I'm no expert on hanging myself, but I'm pretty sure you have to kick something from underneath you. There's nothing in here that Satsuma could have used for that. So, the only other explanation is...'

'Someone else must have helped, right?'

'Yeah. But, like I said earlier, Satsuma seemed perfectly fine last time we saw her. So maybe... someone _killed her on purpose!_ '

'Uh...' said Yaoi. 'Before we continue, can you, like, take her out of the noose? It's kinda giving me the creeps.'

'Good point.' said Harold. 'But where shall we leave her... um... corpse? Actually, I'm kind of grossed out calling it that. Maybe we should leave it in this ro- Wait a moment, what's that note on the floor?'

Harold picked up the note and started to read it.

'Dear Harold and Yaoi. If you see this note, then I guess... the worst-case scenario of going in the basement may have come true. I only went to the basement because I was worried about you. But, if you're reading this, and something has happened to me, then try not to be sad. I still believe in you. You two can stop Monika and put an end to... whatever this crazy series of events is. There are hundreds of universes like this one. Let's make this the one where we win.

~Satsuma"

* * *

There was silence for a minute or two. Then Harold spoke.

'You know?' said Yaoi. 'She's right. If we want to put an end to all this craziness, then we've got to keep on going, no matter what happens. You know, when you first arrived here, it was all pretty mysterious, but now we've got to know each other, and I... think we're friends now!'

'Heh heh... You know, it's as if everything up to this point has been, like, the first act of a story. And now, it's time for the second act.'

'Huh? What are you talking about?'

'Well, it's... wait a minute, who said that?'

'Wasn't me.' said Yaoi.

* * *

Suddenly, a familiar figure came bursting through the door.

'Well, well, well. If it isn't... uh... what are your names again?'

'M'choakumchild?' exclaimed Harold. 'What are you doing here?'

'Well, you see, Monika was acting all weird. She said she was busy extracting the power from that weird ball of powerful... stuff. So, she sent me to get you... out of the picture, so to speak. And this time, there's no running awa- Wait...'

M'choakumchild's eyes fixed on Satsuma's body behind them.

'That girl who punched me in the face. She's... dead?'

'It's a long story...'

'Well, anyway. I've got a little surprise in store for you!'

M'choakumchild took out a pendant from under his top hat, and put it on. Suddenly, light started to gather around him. There was a bright flash. Squinting through the bright light, Harold and Yaoi saw M'choakumchild... but a lot more muscular.

'Say hello to the new and improved M'choakumchild!'

* * *

M'choakumchild jumped at them. Harold and Yaoi both ran out of the way.

'Ha ha ha! You can run, but you can't hide!'

Yaoi hid behind some boxes, and Harold followed suit.

'Okay... uh... maybe you can hide...'

'Sorry, emergency meeting. How are we gonna beat M'swoleumchild?'

'M'whatnow? asked Harold.'

'M'swoleumchild! You know, because he's... swole? Anyway, what's the plan?'

'Well... uh... how was he defeated last time?'

'I dunno. I wasn't there!' Yaoi thought for a moment. 'Wait! Just a bit ago he said "That girl who punched me in the face"! That's what stopped him last time!'

'Is that really going to work, though?'

'Well, only one way to find out!' Yaoi pushed Harold out from behind the boxes.

'Hey, wait!'

M'choakumchild grabbed Harold, and held on to him tightly.

'Hold on, Harry!'

'No, _he's_ the one holding on to me!'

M'choakumchild started running towards Yaoi, but she kept moving out of the way.

'Wait, _this_ is your plan?' said Harold.

Suddenly, Yaoi swung her flail out to its maximum length. M'choakumchild kept running, and tripped over the chain. At the same time, he let go of Harold. Then, as M'choakumchild looked up...

POW! Yaoi punched M'choakumchild in the face.

'That kind of hurt.' said Yaoi. 'But luckily, it left him unconscious. Quickly, take the pendant off him!'

Harold took off the pendant, and threw it behind some boxes. M'choakumchild returned back to his normal self.

'Well, that's enough fighting for today. We should get some sleep!' said Harold.

'Agreed.' said Yaoi. 'So, uh... shall we just leave M'choakumchild in here?'

'I guess...' said Harold, as they both went upstairs.


	9. 7: The Glitched Genuflect

Chapter 7: The Glitched Genuflect

The Orb of Improbability crackled and flashed. Huge tendrils of energy started to zap across the room.

'Gwa ha ha ha ha! Finally, I can achieve... ultimate power!'

Monika moved the amulet slowly towards the Orb. Huge amounts of energy started surging towards it.

'Still... not... enough... power...'

Then, suddenly, the energy of the orb shot out in all directions, and started concentrating at the amulet.

'Yes... yes... more... power!'

Monika felt the power of the Orb throughout her entire body, as she laughed wildly. There was a flash of bright light. The orb had turned from its usual white colour to a dull grey.

'Gwa ha ha ha ha! This... pure... power... running through my body... I'm UNSTOPPABLE! And now, to test out my new powers. Heh heh heh...

* * *

'You okay, Harry?' asked Yaoi.

'Yeah, it's just... well, I never even wanted any of this to happen in the first place. I mean, I kind of just... woke up in this place, and then I just got caught up in all this craziness. I mean, it must be some kind of miracle that we're both still alive after everything that's happened.'

'Oh, well, no need to worry. You won't be alive for much longer.' said a voice from behind the basement door.'

'Monika!'

'Yep, that's right! Looks like you couldn't stop me in time. Because now, I've got more power than you could ever imagine! Now, bow before me!'

'Um... no thanks.' said Yaoi. 'I'm... uh... allergic to bowing. Yeah.'

'And I'm not bowing to you either. Who do you think you are to command me like that?' said Harold.

'Hmph. Well, I guess you two need some... _convincing_.' Monika lifted her hand, and Harold and Yaoi flew across the room and landed in two chairs. She laughed moniakally- er, I mean maniacally, as magical ropes appeared around their wrists and legs.

'With all of my power, there's no way you can stop me. I'm practically a god to you. All praise Goddess Monika!'

Harold and Yaoi went silent for a few seconds. Then, Yaoi sighed.

'Oh, Monika. Looks like all that power's going to your head.'

'Huh?'

Yaoi shook her head. 'You may have loads of power, but that doesn't change anything. You're still the same person deep inside. And that person... is scared of losing. So terrified, that, for all your life, you've always tried to come out on top. But now, you've achieved what you always wanted. But at what cost? Your sanity? Your friends? Now, can you untie these ropes for a second? My nose kind of itches.'

* * *

Monika turned away for a moment. There was nothing but an eerie silence. Suddenly, she smiled.

'Well, if that's how you're going to speak to me, then I guess I have no choice but to get rid of you. Originally, I was going to go and take over other dimensions, but now, the first thing on my list is to kill everyone in this pathetic dimension first. Then, it'll be just me. Just Monika. Just Monika. Just Monika. **Just Monika**. JUST MONIKA. _**JUST MONIKA!**_ '

* * *

'But first, why don't we have a little... fun?'

Suddenly, something strange started happening, almost as if reality itself was glitching.

'You see, the Orb is actually connected a lot with other realities. So, I can use its power to send you to another reality!'

Harold and Yaoi both started to get scared.

'Heh heh heh... So, how about this? If you don't manage to escape and get back to this reality within 30 minutes, you die. But, if you _do_ escape... well... you'll get the pleasure of being killed by me personally!'

Suddenly, what looked like a tear in reality appeared. Monika snapped her fingers, and everything went dark...

* * *

'Ughhh... Nghhh- huh? Wh-where are we, Harry?'

'I... don't know.'

'Well, Monika said we were in some kind of other reality, right? But this place... it looks the same as our reality. Except... everything's dark!'

'Hey, wait. Was that door there before?' asked Harold.

'Well, now that you mention it, everything looks the same, the desks, the chairs, and so on. But that door wasn't there in, well, our world... Or whatever it's called.'

Harold and Yaoi both went through the door. Harold looked at the other side.

'Hmm... It's got the number 37 on it. So, if we get lost in this place, we just have to look for room number 37.'

'Alright.' said Yaoi. 'But which way should we- ' She stopped mid-sentence.

'Huh? Is something wrong?'

'No... I just realised what this place is!'

'What?'

'It's... the rest of the school!'

Harold looked confused. Meanwhile, they started walking along the corridor.

'Everything's coming back to me now! That other place we were in, that was just, like, part of the school! But, in a different reality or something. So this other reality is, like, the real one. Well, the other one was real too, but... I suck at explaining things.'

'I think I get what you mean. So, this is the real world, and you somehow ended up in another place that happened to look the exact same?'

'Yeah. Pretty much.' said Yaoi. 'Wait! We've probably been gone from this place for ages! I bet everyone'll be wondering what happened! Like, all my friends and stuff. I should go and see them!'

Yaoi ran over to a nearby door. 'Oh great. It's locked.'

'Well...' said Harold. 'There's nobody else here... I'm pretty sure this place has been locked up for the night. And, remember what Monika said? We've gotta escape in 30 minutes! So, I'm sorry, but... you might not be able to see your friends.'

'What?' said Yaoi. 'But... but... this might be the last chance we get to be in this place! If only there was some way I could... wait a minute, that's it! If I remember correctly, there should be a computer room coming up... here!'

Yaoi was just about to enter the computer room, but then Harold noticed something.

'Huh? What's that note?'

Harold read out the note.

'These students have been missing for around 30 days. If you have any information about the following missing students;

Monika Salvador (18)

Yaoi Highenthal (18)

Tangelo Citrina (18)

Satsuma Citrina (16)

Nozomi Cryost (15)

then please contact-'

'Uh oh. This might be our only chance to tell everyone what happened!'

'I recognise everyone's names on that list, except for that last one.' said Harold. 'Who's Nozomi Cryost?'

'Hmm... I don't recognise that name either...' said Yaoi. 'But, anyway. We shouldn't waste any more time!' She dashed into the computer room.

* * *

Yaoi found a camera that was hooked up to a computer, and started recording.

'… ...Is this thing on? Oh, um... Well, it's me, Yaoi. If this message gets out to anyone, then... I know I've been missing for a while, and I guess I should explain what happened. So, basically, we all somehow got transported to another dimension.'

Harold poked his head through the door.

'Well, me and Monika are still alive. As for Tangelo and Nozomi, we don't know at the moment. And Satsuma, well, she's... uh...'

Yaoi began to sweat nervously.

'She's... fine. And, I guess that's all I've got to say, really.'

Yaoi stopped the recording, and started to upload the video.

'Right. If we upload this to the internet, then someone will probably see it, right?'

'Yeah.' said Harold. 'But why did you lie about Satsuma?

'Well, it's just... I don't wanna be responsible for telling everyone she's... dead. Plus, I don't think her mother could handle the news. I'd hate to break her heart like that. Well, I guess you don't know her, but...'

'Uh oh.' said Harold, looking at the clock. 'Looks like we've only got 15 minutes left! How are we gonna get out of here?'

Yaoi panicked. 'I don't know! I didn't really... think about that.'

'Come on! There's gotta be some way out of here!'

* * *

Harold and Yaoi ran down the corridor. Then, suddenly, they were stopped by a floating... thing. It was covered in darkness. But then, it revealed itself.

'Well, well, well. I've heard about you two.'

'Oh great.' said Yaoi. 'Look, we really don't have time to talk to a... floating green pyramid type thing?'

'You can call me the Frustum of Knowledge. And, I would explain my backstory, but I already did that in the last chapter. So, you just need to know that I know what you want to know, you know?

'No.' said Harold. 'Why are you here?'

'Well, after I told Monika to kill Satsuma in order to gain more power, I didn't really have much else to do. ...Maybe I shouldn't've said that.'

'It's okay.' said Harold. 'We already figured it out.'

'Yeah, but what's up with Monika lately?' said Yaoi. 'She seems to be acting all... weird. Well, weirder.'

'I know what you mean.' said the Frustum. 'She's all like, "CRUSH THE LESSER RACES. CONQUER THE UNIVERSE. UNIMAGINABLE POWER! UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING! ET CETERA, ET CETERA." It's the Orb of Improbability's fault. Too much power, and it'll get to your head. But, anyway... You wanna get back to your own dimension, huh?'

'Yeah.' said Harold. 'How did you- Oh, yeah. Frustum of Knowledge. Of course.'

'Well...' said the Frustum, 'If you wanna get out of this place, then... I can open the portal for you. But... let's have a little fun.'

'Let me guess.' said Harold. 'It's going to be fun for you, and not us, right? Well, count me out.'

The Frustum closed its eye. If it had a mouth, it probably would have smiled. 'Well, in that case, looks like you'll be doing it, Yaoi.'

'Doing what?'

'Well, you like poetry, right? Well, your task is simply to write a poem. But not any kind of poem'll do. You see, I don't mean to brag, but I'm the smartest being I know. But, if you were to somehow prove you were smarter than me, by writing a good enough poem, I might let you go back to that other place.'

'Well, I guess it's our only chance of escape, so... I accept!'

The Frustum laughed. 'Write a good one... _because it'll be your last._ '

* * *

Yaoi sat down in a nearby room. 'Come on, think!' she whispered to herself. Suddenly, she had an idea, and started writing. Then, a voice came from the other side of the door. 'Oh, by the way, you've only got five minutes!' Yaoi continued thinking and writing for another minute. Then, something hit her hand, causing it to start bleeding. 'Oops!' said the Frustum. 'Try not to get blood all over the paper! Heh heh...'

'Hey, why'd you do that?' asked Harold, outside. 'And also, how?'

'Those are two very good questions. And I won't answer either of them.'

With only three minutes left, Yaoi started to think as hard as she could. She wrote faster and faster, as more blood started to drip onto the page. Then, finally, she finished.

'I hope you like it.' said Yaoi, flatly. 'I put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into it. Mostly the former.'

The piece of paper faintly glowed green, and rose up to the Frustum's eye. The Frustum started reading.

'Well, I expected more from the Vice-Vice-President of a literature club. I mean, what is this? " _Roses are blue, violets are red, memories are meant to be sent through trees._ " Hmph. There isn't even any rhyme, or even structure! And the symbolism is blatantly obvious! I mean, it obviously represents the tree-like neurons of the brain, and also how a small memory can grow into something bigger.'

'Nope.' said Yaoi. 'I just made that part up.'

'So, I- wait, WHAT? You mean, you... You tricked me!'

'I guess you could say... I outsmarted you. And you said, if I proved I was smarter than you, you would let us go.'

The Frustum of Knowledge glared angrily. 'Excuse me for a second.' It disappeared into a green portal, which lingered in the air. Then, a noise came from the portal.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!'

The Frustum reappeared five seconds later. 'Sorry. Just needed to release my anger. But, a deal's a deal's a deal. I'll send ya back to that other place. Just don't expect me to help you again.'

There was a bright flash, and a portal appeared on the wall.

* * *

'Come on, Yaoi. Let's go!'

'But, can't we just stay here a little longer?'

'There's no time! We've only got 45 seconds left! Oh, and thanks for helping us, pyramid guy.'

Harold looked around, but the Frustum was nowhere to be seen.

'Huh. Well, I guess we'd better go. By the way, how's your hand holding up, Yaoi?'

'Ehh... It'll be fine, I think. It's stopped bleeding, at least. I'll have to leave it, but, then again, you can't really get plasters in another dimension.'

Harold and Yaoi both stepped through the portal.

* * *

'Hmph. Those two should be back by now. Well, I guess that I've finally got rid of the-'

Suddenly, a portal opened up above Monika's head.

'Wait... Gah!'

'Um... hey Monika.' said Yaoi. 'Sorry for dropping in unannounced. Er- pun not intended.'

'Get off of me, you idiots!'

Everyone stood back up. 'Well, I see you... somehow managed to escape.'

'Yeah.' said Yaoi. 'We ran into the... uh... Frumbus of Intelligence, or whatever he was called.'

'Wait, you mean the Frustum of Knowledge? How did you- It doesn't matter anyway. I'll just have to kill you myself. The next time I see you, we'll battle. Heh heh...'

Monika vanished into thin air.

To be continued...


	10. 8: The Holographic Hubris

Chapter 8: The Holographic Hubris

The next morning...

* * *

'Hey, wake up!'

'Mmph... Huh?' Harold opened his eyes. 'What are you waking up so early for?'

'I dunno.' responded Yaoi. 'I guess I'm just kind of excited.'

'Excited? Why?'

'Well, I guess it's because of the battle...'

'Wait, you mean the battle with Monika? But, she's a lot more powerful now! She could probably kill us! To defeat her, we would probably need the power of that Orb, too! What is there to be excited about?'

'Well, I guess... It's 'cuz if we won, then this whole crazy... thing would be over! And I think we can do it, too! I mean, we beat M'choakumchild, and we won the battle before that...'

Harold thought for a while. 'Well, I guess it's better than not being ready to battle. And besides, there's not much you can do in here anyway. There's only a few books, and... Hey, when did we get a goldfish?'

'Oh, don't you remember?' said Yaoi. 'When Satsuma's book turned into a goldfish? Well, in all the confusion, I managed to get it into a bowl of water. Somehow. And, well, it hasn't really done much except swim around, but, I guess it's some extra company, huh?'

* * *

'Hey, by the way, what happened to your sword? I haven't seen it for a while.'

'Oh, I... don't know. I think the last time I had it was in that weird room where we had a fight. But, it's not that important. I mean, I could barely carry it, and we managed to beat M'choakumchild without it, so...'

'You know...' said Yaoi. 'We've come pretty far, for a couple of normal people. I mean, I never imagined I'd have to beat up people and travel through dimensions, but I think we've done a pretty good job of it. Now, let's go!'

* * *

Harold and Yaoi went into the basement. Pretty soon, they saw a hooded figure standing in the middle of the corridor.

'Hmph.' said Monika. 'I thought you would've been too scared to fight me. You must have a death wish, or something. Well, looks like your wish will be granted!'

But there was something unusual about Monika. It was almost as if she was slightly translucent. But Harold didn't have time to think about it, before Monika shot a blast of magic at them. Harold and Yaoi both moved out of the way.

* * *

'Hmph. Well, try... this!'

Monika shot a much larger blast of magic, that was the size of the whole corridor. Quickly, Harold and Yaoi both ran away, and went into a nearby storage closet.

'Jeez, it's pretty cramped in here.' said Yaoi.

'Shh! Or she might hear us!' replied Harold.

Monika stood outside the door. 'Heh heh... There's nowhere to hide! Come out, Harry and Yaoi~ '

Harold and Yaoi both closed their eyes. Suddenly, the door swung open, and there was a loud 'SMASH!'

Monika was lying on the floor. 'Heh... heh...'

'Well... uh... I didn't mean to do that.' said Yaoi. 'But it worked!'

Monika stayed lying on the floor. Then, she said two simple words.

'I... win...'

'That orb must've really messed with your brain, Monika. You've obviously lost!'

'No... you... idiots...' said Monika. Suddenly, she started flickering, and disappeared. Then, a voice came from deeper within the corridor. 'I win.'

Just then, there was a bright flash, and Harold and Yaoi couldn't move. Monika stepped forwards.

'You thought you were fighting me, huh? Well, it was actually... a hologram! And all I was doing was wasting your time, so I could charge up my freezing spell! Heh heh heh... It's so easy to smeckledorf you two fools!' But, the spell won't last long. I could kill you now, but I've got a better idea! How about I trap you here forever, with nothing but the knowledge that you've doomed the entire universe!'

Without warning, the walls started to move, encapsulating Harold and Yaoi in an inescapable prison.

'Goodbye! Next time you see me, I'll be ruling over everything!'

* * *

'Well...' said Harold. 'Just how are we going to escape from this one?'

'Didn't you hear her, Harry? We're stuck in here forever! Wait... We're stuck in here forever. '

Suddenly, Yaoi started to panic. 'WE'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! HELP! SOMEBODY! I THINK I'VE ALREADY STARTED TO GO CRAZY IN HERE!'

'Whoa, Yaoi. Calm down!'

'SORRY! IT'S JUST THAT I'M KINDA CLAUSTROPHOBIC! AND IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN DOES IT FEEL LIKE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN TO YOU?'

'Don't worry. I'm sure we'll find a way out. But for now, there's not much to do except sit here and wait...'

* * *

Later...

* * *

'Ugh... G... Huh? W... where... am I? And... what happened?'

A girl sat up in the middle of a pitch-black room.

'Hello? Is anyone there?' she called out. But there was no answer.

'It feels like I woke up from some kind of nightmare or something...' the girl thought to herself. 'And my head hurts, and it feels like there was something around my neck...' The girl sat in silence for a while, as she thought. 'Wait!' she said to herself. 'I think my memory is returning. The last thing I remember... There was Monika, and that magical rope, and then... well, that's all I can remember. I must have gone unconscious after that...'

Suddenly, the girl felt a wave of sadness. 'Wait! Tangelo! He was...' She fought back her tears. 'Maybe I shouldn't think about that right now. I've got to figure out what happened, and... if my friends are still alive...' The girl thought for a moment. 'I've been hiding from my problems for too long... From now on, I'll try not to be so scared. This will be a new start for me... Satsuma Citrina!'

* * *

Meanwhile...

* * *

It was a regular day on the planet Cephalodia. The inhabitants of the planet, octopus-like creatures, were going about their day, minding their own business, when suddenly, a dark vortex appeared in the sky. And out of it... came a creature that none of them had seen before.

A crowd of Cephalodians had gathered around the mysterious figure, who started to speak.

'Well, hello there. My name is Monika. Now, I suggest you do exactly as I say, or there will be... severe consequences. You there! Step forward.'

A Cephalodian wearing a crown and cloak stepped forward.

'So, you're the king, hmm? Well, not anymore! I'm the new ruler of this planet! And soon, the whole universe! That is, if you'll comply...'

The Cephalodian King spoke in some kind of incomprehensible language, while shaking its head angrily.

'Hmph. Pretty foolish of you to think you can defy me.'

Monika shot a blast of dark energy at the king, killing him instantly.

'And if anyone else tries something like that, then you'll get the same punishment too. Now, welcome your new ruler!'

* * *

'It's no use.' said Harold. 'This wall's too thick, and too strong. It'd take forever to dig an escape tunnel. Uh, Yaoi? What are you doing?'

'Well, I dunno. Just kind of... staring at the wall. I mean, I've got to amuse myself somehow.'

'Huh?' said a voice from the other side of the wall. 'Harold? Yaoi? Is that you?'

'Yes, it's- Wait, who said that?' asked Harold.

'It's me, Satsuma!'

'Wait, WHAT?' said Yaoi. 'But-but-but- I thought you were... dead!'

'Well, the strange thing is... I do remember... well... dying. But, somehow, I came back to life?'

'Forget about that for now.' said Harold. 'Can you help get us out of here?'

'Yeah!' said Yaoi. 'Couldn't you, like, get really angry and punch the wall down?'

'Well, I don't really think I can just... make myself angry like that.'

'Oh, by the way, what happened back there?' said Harold. 'That led to you... dying?'

'Well, I went down into the basement to look for you... Now I realise that that was a foolish idea, but, well, I was just really worried about you. But anyway, I ran into Monika on the way, and... and...' Satsuma started breathing heavily.

'Uh, you OK?' asked Yaoi.

'MONIKA! She... she was the one who murdered my brother!'

'Wait, what?' said Harold.

'And... and... she didn't even care! She doesn't care about anyone! Only her stupid plan to rule over everything!' shouted Satsuma.

There was silence for a moment.

'Sorry about that. It's just... a lot has happened lately... Wait.'

'Huh? What's wrong?' asked Harold.

'When I got angry just then... my other soul didn't take control of my body like it normally would... Wait a moment! I think I know how I survived!'

'How?'

'Well, you know about how I have two souls? Well, from what I can recall, I was overcome with anger as I died. So, maybe, it was only that soul that... died? And that's why it didn't take control of my body. So, I guess I'll just have one soul for the rest of my life...'

'Wait...' said Yaoi. 'So, does that mean you can't break us out of here?'

'I guess not...'

'So... is this how it ends? Trapped behind a wall of solid concrete?'

'Wait a minute...' said Harold. 'Concrete! That's it!'

'Huh?'

'Satsuma can eat concrete, right? So, she can get us out of here! You'll do it, right?'

'...I'll try.' said Satsuma. 'But I've never eaten this much before...'

'Aww, come on!' said Yaoi. 'You can't just leave us here.'

'Don't worry, Yaoi!' said Satsuma. 'I'm going to eat you out!'

'You probably have no idea how wrong that sounds.' said Yaoi. 'But I'll explain it to you some other time. Get us out of here!'

* * *

Later...

* * *

'Ugh... Can't... eat... any... more...'

'You don't need to. I think this hole will be big enough to fit through.'

Harold stepped through the hole, and Yaoi followed.

Suddenly, Yaoi ran up to Satsuma, and hugged her.

'Satsuma! I'm so glad you're OK! Even if I don't really understand all this stuff about souls and... stuff, it's still good to see you again!'

'Heh... It's good to... see you again, too... But... can you please not... hug me so tightly? It's a little... hard to breathe.'

'Sorry.'

'So, have I missed anything important?'

'Well,' said Harold, 'We had another run-in with M'choakumchild.'

'And we got transported to another reality!' said Yaoi. 'It was really cool! And there was this weird floating pyramid guy, and... and...'

'Oh, and one more thing.' said Harold. 'Monika's disappeared off into some other dimension or something. Basically, she's not here anymore.'

Satsuma thought for a moment.

'Well, that will give us more time to think of a plan.' said Satsuma. 'But it's getting late. We should probably go to sleep soon. I need to get my thoughts together as well.'

'Good idea.' said Yaoi. 'Then, next morning, we'll be ready to... uh... what will we be doing?'


	11. 9: The Improbable Individual

Chapter 9: The Improbable Individual

The next morning...

* * *

Harold, Yaoi and Satsuma were sitting around a table.

'So, what's the plan?' asked Yaoi.'

Harold thought. 'I don't really know. We were so focussed on just surviving, that I didn't really think about how to stop Monika.'

'Huh? Satsuma? You okay there?'

Satsuma was sitting quietly, thinking to herself.

'I'm okay, it's just... I was just thinking about my brother, Tangelo. Sometimes I wish he could still be here... But...'

She paused for a moment. 'So, about the plan... What shall we do?'

'I don't know.' said Harold. 'Don't think there's any way out of this place, and there's not much here we can work with. Except...'

'Hmm?'

'That's it!' said Harold. 'We can use the Orb of Improbability!'

'But... ' said Satsuma. 'Isn't it really dangerous and unpredictable? What if we can't figure out how to control it? I don't want to see you two in any more danger...'

'Well, it's the only plan we've got, really.' said Harold.

'Let's do it!' said Yaoi. 'But it needs, like, a catchy name or something. Like...'

Yaoi looked around. Her eyes fixed on the goldfish at the edge of the room.

'...Operation Fish!'

'Fish? Why?'

'Well, ' said Yaoi. 'It stands for Find Improbability and... uh... Stop... Her.'

'Okay then.' said Harold. 'Let's go! To the basement!'

* * *

'So, which way was it to the Orb again?' asked Yaoi.

'Let's see... I think it was right, and then just follow the corridor to the end.' replied Harold.

'Come on, Satsuma! What's holding you up?'

'Well, it's just... even though I know that nobody else is here, it still feels like something could happen at any moment. But, maybe that's just because I have bad memories of this place...'

'Doesn't matter now.' said Harold. 'I think this is the room. You know, this place is a lot smaller than I thought.'

Satsuma gently opened the door. There, in the middle of the room, was the Orb of Improbability, slowly brightening and darkening.

'Well, there it is.' said Harold.

'But... there's something strange about it.' said Satsuma. 'It looks almost as if... it has no power left? Not that I know much about it, or anything...'

* * *

'So, what do we do?' asked Yaoi. 'Do we just touch it, and then we get, like, super powers? That would be so cool!'

Yaoi ran over to the Orb.

'No, wait! Don't touch the-'

Yaoi touched the orb, and... nothing happened.

'Well, that sucks.' said Yaoi. 'It didn't do anything. Now what?'

Satsuma stepped forward.

'Huh?' said Harold. 'What are you doing?'

'Well, I don't know how to explain it, but... it feels like I need to touch the Orb. I don't know why, but it seems like it's trying to tell me something.'

Satsuma walked up to the Orb, placed her hand on it, and closed her eyes. Suddenly, the orb started glowing.

'What the- 'said Yaoi. 'What's happening?'

The orb shot a beam of light at the wall, which made a large, bright circle of light. Then, someone stepped out of it. Then, they collapsed.

'Who _is_ that?' asked Yaoi.

'I don't know!' said Harold. 'He's covered in some kind of weird glowing... stuff, so I can't really see.'

'Well, in any case, we should get him somewhere safer, and try to get him to regain consciousness...' said Satsuma.

* * *

Later...

* * *

'Ugh... Huh?'

'I think he's waking up!'

The mysterious boy sat up.

'S-Satsuma... Yaoi... It's been so long... But I'm glad you're okay.'

'Um...' said Yaoi. 'Who are you?'

'Well, I suppose I should get rid of this surplus of dimensional energy. Could you all please stand back?'

Everyone stood back. Then, there was a bright flash as the energy surrounding the boy disappeared. As it disappeared, it revealed that the mysterious boy was...

* * *

'...Tangelo?'

Tangelo walked over to Satsuma, and they hugged each other.

'Look...' said Tangelo. 'I'm sorry for what I did...'

'I... I'm just happy that you're back, big bro. But... I thought you were dead! Monika said she killed you!'

'Okay, I've got a lot of stuff to explain.' said Tangelo. 'But first, who's this? Is he a friend of yours?'

'I'm Harold.' said Harold. 'And I came here by... actually, I'm not sure. I never figured out how I got here.'

'Anyway...' said Tangelo. 'Monika was trying to kill me, but my death was actually by complete chance. While we were fighting, a jolt of energy shot out of the Orb of Improbability. And when I woke up, I was in some kind of alternate reality.'

'Wait, you came back to life?' asked Yaoi. 'Like Satsuma did?'

'Well, if you mean that only one of my souls died, then yes.'

'Tangelo, I've always wondered... Why do we have two souls, anyway?'

'I don't know the exact details, but it seems to be hereditary. As in, our parents both had two souls, and so do we. The power of both souls together is also what gives us our magical powers.'

'Wait, but...' said Satsuma. 'How come you can do magic, and I can't?'

Tangelo smiled. 'Why do you think you're able to eat concrete? Magic powers can manifest in many different ways... But, anyway. I was trapped in that alternate reality, until just a while ago, when the portal between realities appeared. You see, the Orb is closely linked to other realities.'

'But how did touching the Orb make the portal appear?' asked Satsuma.

'Well, I'll spare you the scientific details,' said Tangelo, 'but it was to do with the bond between us that connected the two realities together. In a way, it's almost kind of poetic...'

'But what I don't get is, why was Monika trying to kill you?' asked Yaoi.

'Well, it's a long story... But, it seemed like she had it out for me ever since I destroyed Project N.'

'Project N?' asked Satsuma. 'I feel like I've heard about that before... What is it?'

'Well,' said Tangelo, 'While I was exploring the basement one day, I came across a secret lab. In there, I found some blueprints. It wasn't exactly clear what the blueprints showed, but it was some kind of human, or humanoid... thing, known as Project N. It was going to be controlled by some kind of machine known as 'the brain', but I destroyed it. I'm not sure what Project N was supposed to be used for, though, but I think it was made to...'

'Huh? To what?'

'To... well... _kill us_.'

'WHAT?' shouted Yaoi.

'Yes, it seems that the goal of obtaining ultimate power changed her. She would do anything to become more powerful.' said Tangelo. 'Even if it meant killing the only person she ever loved!' Suddenly, Tangelo started shouting. 'I was the one who gave her that amulet! And I tried to stop her, but I couldn't! I... I tried to keep it a secret from you, because I didn't want you to get mixed up in this... It's all my fault!'

* * *

'Don't be so hard on yourself, Tangelo.' said Yaoi. 'Now that we're all together, I believe we can get through this!'

Tangelo wiped the tears from his eyes. 'Y-you really think so?'

'Well, we've managed to survive everything so far, right guys?' said Harold. 'And we can't back down now!'

'Heh heh... You guys... Well, I've decided. Tomorrow, we'll go back to the Orb of Improbability. I have a plan. It's time to end this nightmare once and for all.'


	12. 10: The End

Chapter 10: The End

'So, what's the plan?' asked Harold.

'Well...' said Tangelo. 'You know what I was saying about that amulet, that I made it?'

'Yes...'

'Well, you see, I gave it to her as a gift. But that's not the important part. What is important, though, is that our two amulets... They're linked together by a magical force.'

Tangelo took a small, orange-shaped amulet from around his neck.

'With this, I could find her, and, using the power of the Orb, I could teleport her back to this dimension!'

'But...' said Satsuma. 'Is there some way we could... stop her without destroying her? I just want my friend back...'

'I don't think so...' said Tangelo. 'We may have to... _kill her_... But, don't worry! I think I can figure out a way to drain some of her power back into the Orb, so we'll have a chance at defeating her! Let's see... So, if I... I'll need to work this out.'

Tangelo grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil that were lying on one of the desks, and started writing something.

'What's he doing?' asked Harold.

'Oh, right, I guess you've never seen him do this before.' said Yaoi. 'Tangelo uses mathematical equations to figure out how to do certain kinds of magic! You know, it's pretty impressive! But, maybe that's just 'cuz I'm terrible at maths...'

Harold looked over at the paper.

'I think I've got it.' said Tangelo. 'I'll spare you all the technical stuff, but... If my calculations are correct... If I use a power-draining spell at exactly the right angle and frequency, while using the Orb's power to transport Monika back to this dimension... Then, we can lower her power by a factor of approximately 50%!'

'Alright!' said Yaoi. 'That should be enough to defeat her, right?'

'Yes, but it will still most likely be difficult. And, strangely, I got another solution to my equation. But it's nothing important. All it says is... 37 plus 5 equals 42.'

* * *

Later...

'Well, this is it.' said Tangelo. 'I hope you're all ready. Harold? Yaoi?'

They both nodded in agreement.

'Satsuma? Are you sure you're okay with this? You're not... scared or anything?'

'Well, I guess I am a bit scared...' said Satsuma. 'But I know this is all we can do. I may not be very strong, but at least I won't be alone in this fight.'

'Right, everybody! Stand as far away from the Orb as you can. This could get... dangerous.'

* * *

'Heh heh... I've got to say, I'm really enjoying this whole supreme ruler thing. But now, it's time for the main goal of my plan... to rule over Earth itself!'

Monika smiled to herself as she held on to the amulet around her neck. Suddenly, it started glowing.

'Huh? What the- Wait... The amulet only flashes like this while I'm travelling through dimensions! What's happe-'

Suddenly, there was a bright flash. When Monika opened her eyes, she was lying in a... familiar looking basement.

'What the- How did you- Wait... Satsuma? You're still alive?'

'Not just her.' said Yaoi. 'Look who else is here.'

'T- TANGELO?! B-but how... **I thought I killed you!** '

'Well, let's just say you missed a lot since you disappeared off to Darkspace-knows-where a couple of days ago.' said Harold.

'It's time to end this, once and for all, Monika!' said Tangelo.

'Heh heh... Well, if it's a fight you want... then I'd be happy to finally defeat you!'

'Bring it on!' shouted Yaoi.

'Heh heh... this'll be easy.' said Monika. 'Wait, what happened to my powers?!'

'Well...' said Tangelo, 'We managed to drain some of your power when we teleported you here. _That's not going to be a problem, is it?_ '

* * *

'Heh. You wish! Even with some of my power gone, I can still defeat you all!'

Without warning, Monika shot a blast of dark energy at everyone. Tangelo and Harold moved one way, and Satsuma and Yaoi went the other way. Tangelo shot a wave of energy, knocking Monika over.

'Hmph. Is that all you've got? Try and dodge... this!'

Suddenly, several portals appeared in mid-air and shot blasts at Tangelo. He activated a magical barrier and moved it around to block all the shots.

'Hey, am I gonna get to fight?' asked Harold.

'How? You haven't got any weapons, have you?' said Tangelo. 'But, if you've got any ideas, you can...'

He paused to shield from a blast of dark magic. '...help out any time!'

* * *

'H-hey! Where are we going? Tangelo's still in there! Shouldn't we help him?'

'We are helping... kinda.' said Yaoi. 'I'll explain in a minute.'

Yaoi ran up the basement stairs, dragging Satsuma behind her.

'So, I've thought of a pretty cool plan, right? So, we just get the Swole Amulet, and th-'

'I'm sorry, the... what?'

'Oh, right. You weren't there. But basically, after you kind of died but not really, we had a run-in with M'choakumchild. And he had this magical amulet thingy that made him really strong. So... If we find that amulet, then give it to Tangelo, he'll hopefully have enough power to completely overpower Monika! Cool, huh?'

'Well, if you say so... I don't know much about this amulet. Where is it?'

* * *

'Heh heh heh... Give up yet?'

Tangelo hadn't been hit yet, but he was struggling to dodge all the attacks that were thrown at him.

'I'll never... give up! You may have... killed me before... but I... but I...'

'Hey, Monika! I've got a poem for you!'

Monika stopped focussing on Tangelo, and looked strangely towards Harold.

'It goes like this. Roses are red, Violets are blue, you can't eat the pizza... if the pizza eats you!'

'Do you mind?' said Monika. 'I'm kind of in the middle of something here.'

'Oh, no, I don't mind.' said Harold. 'In fact, I could talk to you for ages.'

'Grr... Stop distracting me! I guess I'll just destroy you first!'

'You'll never defeat me!' said Harold. 'Because I have a power that you don't! The power of f...'

'If you say 'friendship', I swear, I'm going to-'

'Well, I was going to say 'finding really good places to hide from your attacks', actually. Bring it on!'

* * *

'So, I think it was down these stairs, and then left... No, wait, was it right? Oh jeez, I can't remember... I don't suppose you know where it is, Satsuma?'

Satsuma thought for a moment. 'Wait... the fight you had... was it in the same room where I... died? ...It still feels strange saying that.'

'Yeah, I think it was.'

'Well, if you turn right here... I think it was a small room before the one with the Orb.'

'Awesome! Let's go!'

Yaoi ran off.

'H-hey! Wait for me!'

Satsuma ran after her. 'Yes, I think this is the-'

'Hmph. You dirty cowards. Some friends you have, Tangelo. Can't even be bothered to help you try and defeat me.'

Tangelo turned around. 'Satsuma? Yaoi?'

'I'll explain in a moment!' said Yaoi. She grabbed Satsuma's arm and dragged her through the door before a dark beam from Monika could hit them.'

'Phew! That was a bit... too close. But anyway, there it is! The Swole Amulet!'

'And also a rope hanging from the ceiling...' said Satsuma. 'But I'd prefer not to think about that...'

* * *

'And another thing, what's with the school uniform-type clothes, anyway? I mean, by the looks of everyone else's clothes, it doesn't seem like there's any uniform rules.'

'Will you just SHUT UP?!' said Monika. 'I brought you here, and I'm gonna be the one to **take you out!** '

'Wait, what do you mean you-'

'Tangelo, catch!'

Yaoi threw the amulet, and Tangelo caught it.

'Huh? What's this?'

'Just put it on! Trust me!'

Tangelo put the amulet around his neck. Suddenly, he felt a great surge of power through his body. A beam of light shot out of his hands, right into Monika.

'Aww, I was hoping he'd turn all muscular like M'choakumchild did.' said Yaoi. 'But still... We did it!'

* * *

Monika slowly opened her eyes. 'Not... yet...', she said.

'Seriously?' said Yaoi. 'This is, like, the gazillionth time you should have died by now.'

'Silence!' said Monika, walking over to the Orb of Improbability. 'If I can't... beat you... I'll have to get my old power back... I'll have to use... the Orb...'

Monika touched the orb, and something strange happened.

'Huh? That's weird.' said Yaoi. 'What are those weird blobs?'

The weird blobs started to form themselves into a number. The number thirty-seven.

Monika put her hand on the orb. The number changed to 38.

'It seems like I need some assistance... Everyone... touch the orb.'

'No way!' said Harold.

'Do it, or I'll destroy you with the power I have left!'

Tangelo thought for a moment. 'I'll do it.' he said. The number changed to 39.

'Tangelo! What are you doing?!' shouted Satsuma.

'Trust me... I've got a plan. Harold! Yaoi! Touch the orb!'

'Uh... If you say so.' said Yaoi. The number changed to 40. 'What number are we trying to get to, anyway?'

'Harold! Now it's your turn!'

'Tangelo? A-Are you sure about th-'

'Do it!' shouted Tangelo.

Harold touched the orb. The number changed to 41.

'Satsuma! Come on!'

'N-no... I don't want to... Won't this bring her back to full power again?'

'Yes. It will.' said Monika. 'Can you speed up a bit? Remember what I said would happen if you didn't do it?'

Satsuma closed her eyes, and slowly reached her hand towards the orb. As she put her hand on it, the number changed to 42. Suddenly, there was a bright flash.

* * *

'Heh heh heh... You fools! I don't know what your plan was supposed to be, but it looks like it failed! Now, I've got more than enough power to destroy you!'

Monika shot a powerful beam of dark energy from her hands. Suddenly, Tangelo countered it with an energy beam of his own.

'What the?! Since when were you this powerful?'

Tangelo smiled. 'Don't you realise? We all touched the orb, so we all gained its powers.'

'What?! Well, maybe I can... still... defeat... you...'

'Oh yeah?' said Yaoi. 'But can you beat all of us at once?'

Beams of light shot forth from Harold, Satsuma, and Yaoi's bodies, combining with the beam of light and increasing its strength.

Monika started to panic. 'But... but... NO! Four against... I mean... Five against one?! That's not fair!'

'Actually, this time, it is four against one.' said Satsuma.

'There are hundreds of universes like this one.' said Tangelo. 'Let's make this the one where we win.'

'Noooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!'

Suddenly, there was a gigantic flash, as all of the energy from the Orb of Improbability started to get sucked back in, causing a massive surge of improbability. Everything and nothing happened simultaneously. The entire dimension travelled a million light years without even moving. Hot donuts popped out of the floor for 10 pence each. In less than zero seconds, a whale and a bowl of petunias appeared and disappeared. Then, something so strange happened that even I, the author, don't know what it was.

* * *

Harold opened his eyes. 'We... we did it!'

'If my calculations are correct...' said Tangelo, 'That blast was so powerful, Monika's body has been completely disintegrated. There's no way she could survive that!'

'There's... no way...?'

'Huh? Satsuma? What's wrong?'

'Well, I'm glad we're safe, but... I just wanted there to be some other way... Monika was a friend to all of us, before she became so evil. I just wanted her back... But I guess some things just aren't meant to be...'

'Well, putting it that way, it does seem pretty sad.' said Harold. 'Heck, I barely even knew her, but I guess it would have been better that way...'

'Aww, cheer up, guys!' said Yaoi. 'We basically just saved the universe! Shouldn't we be celebrating? Anyway, that final battle was awesome! I guess I should start calling you Harold the Monika Slayer from now on, right Harold?'

'Heh heh... Why just me? You all helped fight too. In fact, probably more than I did, to be honest. Now, let's go home. I've had enough adventures for... probably forever!'

'Uh... Harold? How exactly will we get home?'

* * *

'Hmm. That does make things more difficult. It's not like a portal back home is going to just suddenly appear, and-'

Just then, a portal suddenly appeared.

'Wh-wh-what's happening? Where did that portal come from?' asked Satsuma.

Out of the portal stepped a strange, robe-wearing person with a floating top hat.

'DPK? What are you doing here?'

'Heh heh... I could ask you the same thing, Harry. How come you're in this dimension, anyway?'

'Well, I'm still not really sure... But I'll be glad to get back home! How did you manage to find me?'

'Well, funnily enough, Pickle Guy helped me to find you. But there was something stopping me from getting to this dimension. That is, until a few minutes ago. Maybe something happened over here?'

DPK looked over to Satsuma, Tangelo and Yaoi, who looked confused.

'Oh, right. I should probably introduce myself. I'm DPK. I'm a friend of Harold's. And, Harold, I suppose these are your friends?'

'I'm Tangelo, and this is my sister, Satsuma. Uh... she kind of gets a bit... shy when meeting new people.'

'Um... H...hello...' said Satsuma quietly.

'And I'm Yaoi!' said Yaoi. 'Not to be rude or anything, but you look pretty... strange.'

DPK laughed. 'Heh heh... Well, you're from Earth, right?'

'Uh... yeah?'

'Well, I'm actually from a different planet! 'S called Zero-Par. It's kind of similar to Earth, but also kind of different, too, if that makes sense. Speaking of which, I think it's time to go back home, right Harry?'

'W-wait!' said Yaoi. 'So, is this goodbye?'

'Huh?'

'Well, you said you're going home. And we need to go home, too. But we live in a different dimension to you, and... and... well, you know...'

'So I guess this will be the last time we see each other, Harold.' said Tangelo.

'B-b-but... I don't want him to go!' said Satsuma. 'Do you really have to...'

'Wait, wait, wait. Nobody has to say goodbye.'

'Huh?'

'I've just had a great idea! How about... if you guys all come and live in my house? There's more than enough space for everyone! And, because of the dimensional transporter, you can visit Earth whenever you like!'

'Wait, so... living in another dimension?' said Yaoi. 'That sounds awesome!'

'Heh heh... Well, it is. You should see Prismopolis City at night when it's all lit up! Bet you'll've never seen anything like it on Earth!'

'Anyway...' said Harold. 'Should we get going?'

'Yeah! And let's tell DPK all about our adventures!'

'Adventures, eh? You've been getting into trouble without me? Heh heh... Anyway... Let's we go, amigo!'

THE END

* * *

 _Sometimes things happen which you cannot even explain_

 _You feel like you're in a new dimension, slowly going insane_

 _Sometimes things happen and your life will never be the same_

 _Whether you're having good times or you're just trying to get through the pain_

 _But when you look up to space, even on the darkest nights,_

 _There's still a buttload of stars in the sky._

 _There's no need to concentrate on the past_

 _Even when things are moving really fast_

 _And I guess, if you wanted, you could call it 'Yore Reality'._

* * *

EPILOGUE

'Uggghhh... W-where am I?'

M'choakumchild woke up... somewhere.

'I don't remember sleeping here, wherever 'here' is. Unless my memory's acting up agai-'

Suddenly, M'choakumchild saw a shadowy figure walking towards him.

'Huh? Who's there?'

'Heh heh... so, you've finally arrived.' said the shadowy figure.

'Huh? What do you mean, arrived?'

'Well, by 'arrived', I mean...' The shadowy figure stepped away to turn on the lights.

*click*

A brighty lighty came on. M'choakumchild looked around. He was in some sort of basement.

'Welcome to... Doki Doki Literature Club!'

'Eh?'

M'choakumchild looked at the shadowy figure, who turned out to be the Frustum of Knowledge. 'Wait a minute... I remember now! There was this girl, and this guy, and these other people! But, I must've got knocked out pretty badly. What did I miss?'

'Well, a lot of stuff.' said the Frustum. 'But basically, we lost.'

'Huh?'

'Yeah. Well, mostly you lost. I was kinda just watching the whole battle. If I had a mouth, I would've been eating popcorn. That's how intense it was.'

'So, that means Monika was... defeated?'

'Yep. Probably already halfway to Darkspace by now. I'm surprised you even remembered her name. Oh, and you also missed Satsuma and Tangelo coming back from the dead. Well, not really dead dead, but still.'

'Satsuma... She's the girl who punched me in the face, right? Not sure who Tangelo is, though.'

'Looks like they've been through some hard times. Hard Times. Get it?'

'No.'

The Frustum then turned directly to you. 'Psst. It's a Charles Dickens reference. What book d'ya think M'choakumchild comes from?'

The Frustum turned back to M'choakumchild. 'But anyway, everyone's escaped off into another dimension. It's just us here now. Oh, and I hope you're not too bummed out by the fact that your only friend was basically erased from existence.'

'Well...' said M'choakumchild. 'I didn't really have anything against those guys. I was pretty much just following Monika's orders. So, I guess now I'm free to do whatever I want!'

'Like what?'

'Well, soon I think I'll get out of here, but for now... That classroom, it's just upstairs, right? I feel like writing a book about what happened. The adventures of Harold and his friends. I think it'd be pretty exciting. And I could call it something like... uh... The girl who punched me in the face!'

'Sounds a bit too long.' said the Frustum. 'How about... Harold Harold Literature Club?'

The Frustum turned directly to you again. 'Roll credits!'


	13. 11: The Kiwano Kinship

Chapter 11: The Kiwano Kinship

DPK stepped out of the portal.

'Ahh... It's been a long time since I last visited Earth. Good thing I remembered, right, guys? Wouldn't want to keep your parents waiting for too long!'

Satsuma, Yaoi, Tangelo and Harold all went through the portal.

'You sure this is the place?' asked DPK. 'I've not teleported us to the middle of Bolivia, or anything? Y'know, that actually happened to me once- Er, anyway...'

'Yeah, this is it!' said Tangelo. 'I recognise this place! I think our house is just up there!'

'It'll be interesting to meet your parents.' said Harold. 'You know, I was from Earth too! But as to how I met DPK, well... That's a story for another time.'

'Huh? What was that?' asked Satsuma.

'Well,' said Harold. 'I said...'

'No, that's not what I meant. I just felt something wet on my shoulder.'

'Hey, me too!' said Yaoi. 'It's not gonna rain, is it?'

'Nonsense!' said DPK. 'How could it rain on a day as beautiful as thi-'

DPK was suddenly silenced by a huge downpour of rain.

'Quick, everyone! To Tangelo's house!'

* * *

'Look, look! It's raining!'

An orange-haired boy was staring out of the window.

'I know, Kiri! Looks like it's raining pretty heavily too.' said a voice from the kitchen.

'And there's a weird man with a brown robe thingy on!'

'I think that would be a coat, Kiri.'

'No, no, look! He's got a robe thingy and a top hat! And there's another man, who's bald, and... oh my gosh! It's Satsuma! And Tangelo! And their friend!'

'Wait, what?' A woman with pink hair ran out of the kitchen. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

The woman opened the door, and saw DPK.

'Um... Hello?'

'Hi! Well, let's just get this out of the way first thing...' DPK moved to the right. 'I think these belong to you.'

The woman gasped. 'Satsuma! Tangelo!'

'Mum!'

Yaoi came in. 'I'm here, too!'

'Where have you guys been? I've been so worried about you!'

'Well...' said DPK. 'If you'll let us in, we'll be glad to tell you the whole story.'

* * *

'So, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm DPK, and that's Harold over there.'

'Mum, why is Kiwano here?' asked Satsuma.

'Oh, well... He needed someone to look after him, since my sister went on vacation. And... I was quite lonely without you...'

'Aww... Well, at least we're all here now.' said Yaoi.

'So, uh... Mrs. Citrina, I think it's about time we told you what happened.' said Harold.

'Please, call me Pamplemousse. So, why... and where, were you gone for so long?'

'Well... said Harold.' It all started when I woke up in another dimension...'

Later...

'And then...' said Yaoi. 'There was this weird guy called M'choakumchild...'

Later...

'Well, as much as I don't like to say it... I... died. It's lucky that I still had both my souls, because otherwise...'

'Oh my... I... I don't know what I would've done if I'd found out you had died. Well, you know what I mean. Died and never come back to life...'

Later...

'Oh, then this part was pretty weird. Me and Harold ended up back here! Like, in this dimension! I sent out a video. Did you see it?'

'A video... Wait! A few days ago, I saw something like that, I think!'

'Yeah!' said Kiwano. 'I saw you on the computer! But I wasn't really listening...'

Later...

'And it turned out, he had been stuck in another reality this whole time!' said Harold.

'Yep.' said Tangelo. 'I remember it well... I was finally reunited with my friends!'

'Any more tea or coffee, anyone?' asked DPK.

Later...

'And then it was like... PSSSSSSSHHHHHHWWWWWW-KABOOM! And then Monika was gone!'

'Wait... Monika's gone...' said DPK. 'What are we gonna tell her parents?'

There was silence for a moment.

'Oof.' said Yaoi. 'That _will_ be pretty depressing. But, she was going to basically rule the whole universe. Actually, how are we gonna explain _that_?'

'Wait, wasn't there someone else who went missing?' asked Pamplemousse. 'So, there's you two, Yaoi, Monika, and someone else, wasn't there?'

'Uh... Who was it again...' said Harold. 'Nozomi... something?'

'Wait, you don't mean Nozomi Cryost, do you?' said Satsuma, nervously.

'Oh, isn't that one of your friends, Satsuma? I recognise the name.'

'I recognise it too!' said Yaoi. 'From that poster about missing people we saw when we were at the school! Remember, Harry?'

'Yeah, that's what was on the poster, I think. But I don't remember seeing her. Or, well, anyone except for you, Satsuma, Tangelo, Monika, M'choakumchild, that weird Frustum guy...'

'Actually, I think I may've saw her once or twice before, well, all this crazy stuff happened.' said Yaoi. 'She's the one with blonde hair, about that tall? Part-Japanese?'

'Yes, that's her.' said Satsuma.

'Well, didn't see her.'

'Well, well, well.' said DPK. 'Looks like there's still a mystery or two to solve!'


	14. 12: The Labyrinthine Laboratory

Chapter 12: The Labyrinthine Laboratory

Tangelo's eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness.

'Wait a minute... is this the secret laboratory? But... I don't remember coming here.'

Tangelo looked around.

'There's no mistaking it. This is definitely that secret lab place I saw before. With the plans for that Project N thing... But there's something... off about this place...'

Suddenly, a piece of tarp fell on to the floor, revealing a strange device underneath.

'Huh? What's this?'

Tangelo looked at the glass on the top of the device, covered with condensation. He wiped some of the condensation off, and...

'Aaagh!'

* * *

Tangelo woke up in his bed, sweating and breathing heavily.

'You okay?'

'Y-Yaoi? Wh...' Tangelo paused to catch his breath. 'Why are you sitting at the end of my bed?'

'Oh, well...' said Yaoi. 'I heard you talking in your sleep pretty loudly. It woke me up. I was just checking that you were alright, 's all.'

'Yeah, I'm fine... Okay, actually, I'm not fine.'

'What's wrong?'

'Well, I had this weird dream. I was in this secret lab, and I saw this weird device... thing. I had a look inside it, and there was... someone staring back at me!'

Yaoi thought for a moment. 'Eh, well, it's just a dream. Don't worry about it.'

'Well, actually...' said Tangelo. 'Sometimes... I have dreams that seem to predict the future. Except... I can never tell which ones will come true and which ones won't. So, it's not very useful. But, I have a feeling that this one _does_ mean something. After all, that secret lab I mentioned... I have been there before. It's a hidden room in the basement of that weird pocket dimension we were stuck in.'

'Whoa, so you're telling me there was a secret lab down there the whole time?' said Yaoi. 'Awesome! I wanna see it!'

'Well, it's not really that awesome, but... we should probably go. The sooner I get that weird dream out of my head, the better.'

* * *

'Okay... Looks like everything's working normally. Now, I just need to-'

Suddenly, the door to DPK's workshop opened.

'Oh, hey, guys.' said DPK. 'Why are you up so early?'

'I could ask you the same thing.' said Yaoi.

'Oh, y'know, just tuning up the ol' dimensional transporter.'

'Well, actually...' said Tangelo. 'That's what we came down here for. Can we use the dimensional transporter? There's something I need to check out in that other dimension.'

'Sure thing.' said DPK. 'I'll come with you, and make sure there's no problems with the portal. You can explain what we're doing when we get there.'

DPK paused for a moment. 'Oh, by the way... There _is_ a 1 in 10 trillion chance that when we get there, the portal will stop working and we'll be stuck there forever. But it's just a 1 in 10 trillion chance. Don't worry about it.'

* * *

Later...

'This is the place, right?' said DPK. 'Doesn't look anything like that basement place I rescued you from.'

'Yep, this is it. Well, it's the classroom, at least.' said Yaoi. 'The basement's down that way.'

'So, if we turn right here...' said Tangelo. 'The entrance should be on the right wall, near to that room with the Orb... Here it is!'

'What? I don't see anything.' said Yaoi.

'Well, if you look closely, you can see two lines on the wall. That's how I found it.'

Tangelo paused for a moment, and moved his hand forwards. A section of the wall slid downwards, revealing a staircase.

'So, Monika just hid this whole secret lab behind a wall?' said DPK. 'Doesn't seem that hard to get into.'

'Well, actually, there is another layer of security.' said Tangelo. 'This door with a combination lock, here.'

'Oh, great.' said Yaoi. 'Too bad I left my flail at home. Then we could've just busted the door open!'

'I doubt it.' said Tangelo. 'That door seems pretty strong. But luckily, I know the code. It's just a simple 4-digit combination, and luckily, I got it right on the first try.'

Tangelo walked towards the door, and inputted the code; 2209. The door opened.

'How did you guess that?' asked DPK.

'22nd of September.' said Tangelo. 'Monika's birthday. I guess I was just lucky she couldn't think of anything more creative.'

* * *

'So, this is the secret lab, huh?' asked Yaoi.

'Heh, this is nothing compared to my lab.' said DPK. 'But, anyway, what were you saying?'

'So, I told you about Project N, right? Well, this is where I found those plans.' said Tangelo. 'And, if I remember my dream correctly, that device should be right... here.'

Tangelo lifted some tarp off a strange device, that looked exactly like it did in his dream. He wiped some of the condensation off the glass, and...

Yaoi recoiled in shock. 'Aah! It's a dead girl!'

'Now, hold on a second.' said DPK. 'I recognise this particular piece of equipment. This is a cryogenic freezing chamber.'

'So?' asked Yaoi.

'So... That girl's probably not dead in there. Just frozen. If we warm her up, she'll probably regain consciousness.'

'I see.' said Yaoi. 'I guess that's why it feels so cold in here.'

DPK pressed a button on the cryogenic freezing chamber, and a blast of cold air came out as the chamber opened, revealing a short, blonde-haired girl inside.

'Hey, wait a minute!' said Yaoi. 'That's, uh... Nozomi, right? What's she doing stuck in a freezing chamber... thingy?'

'Well, we'll probably find out sooner or later...' said DPK. 'But for now, let's get her somewhere safe! Probably _not_ somewhere in this dimension.'

* * *

DPK, Tangelo and Yaoi carried the girl to where the dimensional portal was.

'Phew.' said Yaoi. 'For a second, I thought the portal would've disappeared like you said!'

'Well, I did say it was a 1 in 10 trillion chance.' said DPK.

'Yeah, well, in stories and stuff, whenever there's a really low chance of something like that, it always ends up happening. Kinda weird, actually, when you think about it. Anyway, let's go!'

* * *

Later...

'Hey, Satsuma, wake up!' said Tangelo.

There was no response. 'Heh... She always was a heavy sleeper.' Tangelo muttered to himself. He gently shook Satsuma.

'Wake up!'

'Mmmph... Huh?'

'There's someone I think you'd like to meet...'

Nozomi opened her eyes as she lay in a bed unfamiliar to her.

'Huh... Wh-where am I?'

'Well, we'll explain everything soon enough.' said Yaoi. 'But, at least you're safe here. And, well, not unconscious.'

'Wait... Y-Yaoi-san? Is that you?'

'Yep.' said Yaoi. 'And, you can just call me Yaoi, y'know.'

Tangelo and Satsuma came through the door.

'Um... Tangelo, what's going o-'

'Satsuma-chan!'

'N-Nozomi? Is that you? I thought you had gone missing!'

'Well, she did, but we found her.' said DPK.

'So, anyway, about that whole explanation thing...' said Yaoi. 'Well, we found you in this weird cryogenic chamber thing, and brought you back here. And, well, that's all, really.'

'Actually, we were wondering if you had any more information.' said Tangelo.

'Well...' said Nozomi. 'I'll try to remember the best I can...'

'Oh, by the way, just say if you need anything else. Extra blankets, hot water bottle, et cetera.' said DPK.

'Um... Sorry for being so impolite, but... who are you?'

'The name's DPK. I'm just a friend of these guys.'

'Okay... So, one day, I went into one of the rooms... I can't remember which one... but, as I was about to leave, the door disappeared! I found another exit, but it led to some kind of dark passageway. I wandered around in there for so long, and I got lost, and managed to get trapped somewhere.'

'Hold on.' said Tangelo. 'Dark passageway... She must mean the basement! And the room you were in must be-'

'The room me and Harry fought Monika in, right?' said Yaoi.

'Huh?' Nozomi looked confused.

'We'll explain later.' said DPK. 'Just carry on with what you were saying.'

'Well... After what seemed like days, Monika finally found me. But, there was something different about her. She was... scary. And she took me to this strange place, and locked me up again! And I heard what she was going to do to me...'

Everyone listened intently.

'She said... "With my new power, I'm going to get rid of the others so nobody can stop me! With this brain, I'm going to control you, and turn you into a mindless killing machine with ultimate power!" At least, that's what I remember. It may not be exact. And, I think there were some words that I didn't understand.'

Suddenly, Tangelo looked shocked. 'Wait a minute... Project N... The blueprints... Oh no...'

'Huh? What?' asked Yaoi.

'Well, I'm almost certain that you were the recipient for Project N!'

'Hmm?'

'What you said about her plans... It seems like Project N's goal was for you to be brainwashed into an evil killer who would be powerful enough to defeat all of us! I knew about the plans, but I never knew that an actual human was involved! Project N... Nozomi... of course! How could I have missed it for so long?'

'Whoa, whoa, don't beat yourself up over it, Tangelo!' said Yaoi. 'The important thing is, Nozomi's safe now.'

'Yeah... And I destroyed the brain, so we don't have to worry about it ever again.'

'I don't want to think about what would happen if you did get mind-controlled...' said Satsuma. 'I would never want that to happen to you.'

Nozomi smiled. 'Heh... Thank you, Satsuma-chan. Anyway, some time after that, Monika said that the device wasn't finished yet, so she trapped me in that extremely low temperature chamber. Um... What's the word again?'

'Cryogenic?' said Tangelo.

'Thank you, Tangelo-san.'

'Anyway, wanna stay with us?' asked Yaoi. 'I'm sure there's enough space here for you. It's really cool in Prismopolis, you know! They've got loads of weird stuff here!'

'Well...' said Nozomi. 'I'm sorry, but I think I would prefer to go back home. I think I've had enough adventures for now, and I believe my parents will be wondering where I am. But, if you're staying here, I guess this is goodbye for now...'

'Hey, don't worry!' said Tangelo. 'With DPK's dimensional transporter, we can visit you any time!'

* * *

Later...

'Are you sure you're well enough to travel?' said DPK. 'I don't want you getting dimension-sickness or anything.'

'I'll be fine.' said Nozomi. 'It's just that I want to see my family as soon as I can! I'm excited!'

Nozomi stepped through the portal. 'Goodbye, everyone!'

There was a bright flash. As Nozomi left, Tangelo felt a strange feeling inside of him. The feeling that everything had turned out fine in the end. A feeling of peace.


	15. 13: The Market Mishap

Chapter 13: The Market Mishap

'A supermarket?' said Tangelo. 'This is the big surprise you had for us?'

'Yep!' said DPK. 'Why? You don't like going shopping, or something?'

'No, it's just... You made it seem a lot more exciting.'

'Heh heh... Well, y'know, even a dimensional traveller like me has to walk to the shops sometimes! And besides, going to the supermarket can be fun! Especially in Prismopolis! Uh, no offense to Earth.'

DPK, Satsuma, Yaoi and Tangelo all went through the entrance.

'Right, so, let's split up and meet back at the entrance. I'll go with Tangelo, and you two go with each other. Yaoi, make sure Satsuma doesn't get lost. Satsuma, make sure Yaoi doesn't get into any trouble.'

DPK gave Yaoi a shopping list, and walked away.

* * *

'So, um... Where do we need to go first?' asked Satsuma.

'Heh... Well, why don't we look round for a bit?' said Yaoi. 'We've got plenty of time, and, who knows? We might find something cool!'

'Well, at least it's relatively quiet in here.' said Satsuma. 'I don't like crowds... Anyway, what would be interesting in a supermarket?'

'There's always something if you look hard enough! Like... Hey! Free samples! Come on!'

* * *

'Welcome, welcome to my shtall!' said the old woman at the free sample stall. She had grey hair, a glass eye, and a neckerchief tied around her head. 'Would you two young ladies like to try shome cheeshe?'

'Um... I'll pass, thanks.' said Satsuma.

'Aw, come on! Free stuff is always good! I'll have some, please.'

Yaoi ate the cheese. 'Hey, this is really good! You should try some!'

'That cheeshe tastes sho good becaushe it'sh made by the Rat King himshelf! If you want to buy shome, that'll be... two hundred poundsh.'

'What?! I'm not gonna buy cheese that's that expensive!' said Yaoi. 'But maybe...' she said to herself, 'I'll just take another free sample...'

Yaoi reached towards the free samples, but the old woman slapped her hand away.

'No! Only one free shample per cushtomer! Don't you dare take more than one!'

'So, um... should we start looking for the stuff on the list now?' asked Satsuma.

'Not until I get another free sample! I always find a way to do it somehow.' said Yaoi.

'But she said-'

'Eh, what's the worst that could happen if I have more than one? Anyway, come with me! I've got a plan.'

* * *

'So, let's see...' said DPK. 'Bread, check. Milk, check. Industrial-strength mouse traps, check! So, anyway, Tangelo. How are things lately?'

'Well, I'm just glad that all that crazy stuff is over. And that all my friends are still alive. Well, almost all of them...'

'Heh, you're always so protective of your friends. I think that's pretty admirable of you. I don't know any other kids who value their friends so highly. Well, I mean, you're 18, but, you know what I mean.' said DPK.

'Heh... thanks.'

'Speaking of your friends, I wonder what Satsuma and Yaoi are doing right now...'

* * *

The old woman at the stall was looking around at the aisle, when a girl came to her stall.

She was wearing a large hat and a mask.

'Hello! I would like one free sample, please, because I have not had one before.'

'I told you, weird purple-haired girl, only one per cushtomer!'

'Aww, come on! How did you know it was me?' said Yaoi.

'Well, the fact that you're wearing the same clothes kind of gives it away.'

'Not to mention the fact that... well... people don't usually come into the supermarket wearing a mask like that...' said Satsuma.

Yaoi took off the hat, that she had stuffed all her hair into, as it all fell back down.

'Well, it was worth a shot.' said Yaoi. 'Hey, your shoe's untied!'

The old woman bent down and tied her shoe.

'Sorry, it was just really annoying me. Now, how am I gonna get another free sample?'

* * *

'Anyway, what you were saying about protecting my friends...' said Tangelo. 'I guess it's just because I don't like to see my friends get hurt.'

'Hmm?'

'Well... you see, Satsuma used to get bullied at school a lot. But, luckily, I managed to protect her most of the time. But, whenever I wasn't there, I felt so bad, even if it wasn't really my fault. She looks up to me... and, I guess, Yaoi kinda does too. But... I'm always scared of what will happen if I don't protect them. If I don't live up to their ideas of me...'

* * *

'Okay. So, here's the plan.' said Yaoi. 'You distract her, and I'll steal the cheese while she's not looking. Okay?'

'Wait, how am I supposed to di-'

Yaoi pushed Satsuma out into the front of the aisle.

'Oh, it'sh you again.' said the old woman. 'The friend of that purple-haired girl. She's not getting any more free shtuff, you know!'

'Oh, well... I... um...' said Satsuma, nervously. 'I... can't do this... Sorry, but... Yaoi's trying to steal another free sample...'

'Gah! Curse your brutal honesty!' said Yaoi as she ran towards the stall. But she was stopped by a mysterious magical force that knocked her backwards.'

'I TOLD YOU, ONLY ONE PER CUSHTOMER!'

'Sheesh, what's the big deal? It's just some cheese.' said Yaoi.

'I don't know what's so important about this...' said Satsuma.

'Well, maybe if you tried some, you would understand.'

'Uh... okay...'

Satsuma took a piece of cheese, but suddenly, Yaoi grabbed it and ate it.

'Yes! Finally! I got two free samples! What are you gonna do about that, huh?'

'You idiot...' said the old woman. 'I'm not the one who made that rule, you know! It was the Rat King!'

'The Rat King?'

'The Rat King'sh the one who makesh the cheeshe, remember? And he said that anyone who has more than one free shample will be... EXECUTED.'

'Executed?!' said Yaoi. 'Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?'

'Would you have believed me?'

'...Fair enough. So, anyway, when is this Rat King supposed to-'

Suddenly, a portal appeared on the floor, and a large, grey rat with a crown came out of it.

Yaoi looked down at the Rat King, who came up to about her knee.

'Aww, he looks kinda cute!'

'Silence!' said the Rat King. 'You have broken the rules, and for that, you must pay the price! BOTH OF YOU WILL BE EXECUTED!'

'Wh-what?!' said Satsuma. 'But I haven't done anything!'

'That's how it works in the Rat Realm, darling. Two pieces of cheese, two executions!'

'What are you going to do?' asked Yaoi. 'Gnaw us to death?'

The Rat King rubbed his paws together, and purple fire covered his arms. He touched the ground, and fire sprang up around Satsuma and Yaoi.

'Uh oh. This isn't good.'

'H-help!'

The Rat King laughed. 'Nobody can save you now!'

'You sure about that?'

'What the- Who said- DPK?!'

'Um... You know this guy?' said Tangelo.

'Yep. It's a long story. See, it all started when I went to the-'

'Silence! I'll kill you, as well!'

'Ha! I'd like to see you try!'

The Rat King jumped up into the air, and dived down towards DPK. DPK moved out of the way, and there was a loud 'SNAP!'

'What is this infernal contraption that you've ensnared me in?!'

'Industrial-strength mouse trap.' said DPK. 'Funny how they just so happened to be on my list.'

'GRAAGH! I WILL GET YOU ONE DAAAAAAAAAAY!' said the Rat King as he disappeared into a portal.

'You guys saved our butts back there!' said Yaoi. 'Too bad we couldn't help, being trapped in fire and all that.'

'But, what I don't get is... Why did the fire disappear after the Rat King went away?' asked Satsuma?

'Well, it's simple.' said DPK. 'After the Rat King was defeated, everything went back to normal!'

'But, that doesn't make any sense... How can defeating someone just magically make everything... Oh, forget it...'

Suddenly, the old woman at the free sample stand woke up. 'Hey, what'd I missh?'

'Ooh, free samples!' said DPK. He grabbed a piece of cheese and ate it.

'Whoops. Looks like I picked up two pieces of cheese that were stuck together.'

Satsuma looked at Yaoi worriedly.

'Well,' said Yaoi. 'Here we go again!'


End file.
